Self Care During Crisis Tip #7: PUT PEN TO PAPER!

Who knew, when I launched this Self Care During Crisis series, we would still be here, in lock down 4+ weeks later!?!   I don't know about you, but week 4 was a real b%tch!  I entered the doldrums zone... week one was fueled by anxiety, week 2 was the motivation to do all kinds of things around the house and for my business, week 3 almost felt like normal, but week 4, well, I hit a wall.

How your pandemic going?


Regardless of how long this goes on for, know this... I  am here for you!  And I'm more convinced then ever, that peppering my usual dating & relationships messages w/ self care, was and is the best way I can be of service to you, during this tragic and difficult time.

Self care and your own mental well being, plays a direct role in how you give and receive love!

Onward and upwards, my darling!   Let's get to the next sanity saving self care tip!

Emotionally regulating can be a huge challenge when our minds are whirring along at a 1000 thoughts per minute.  This week, I want to encourage you to empty out all those thoughts onto the page.   All the emotions, fears, anxieties, anger, frustration swirling around in your mind, put the pen to paper, and dump them you.

Some of you may recognize as similar to The Morning Pages, in the Artists Way.  And the concept is similar, with a bit of a twist.   Take out a journal or blank page, and just starting writing ANYTHING that comes up.  Even if you have to start by writing 'blah, blah, blah, to get the hand moving and the brain juices flowing.  

This is a free write, with no care for grammar, spelling or even if it makes any sense whatsoever.  Visualize you taking your head off your shoulders, giving it a good shake, and dumping all your thoughts in there, onto the page.

Image credit: neven krcmarek via unsplash

This is a clearing out, a purge. Nothing more, nothing less.

When you are done, take a deep breath, fold the page or close your journal and leave all your fears, anger, anxiety, emotions and frustration there.


There is a lot of neuroscience to back up how the brain and hand connect deeply in the writing process.  Let is all flow out of your mind, through your pen, and leave it all there on the page! 


Feel free to do it morning or night or in the middle of the day, when you are feeling overwhelmed and need a good ol' tidy up in that head of yours!

I have already had some many clients tell me what a gift this practice has been in their life.  I can't wait to hear from you, how it works for you, dearest one.

Self Care During Crisis Tip #6 - Seek Out The Kindness

I hope you found some time for yourself this Easter Weekend.   As you know, I have been offering up Self Care tips, to help you through this very stressful and scary time in our lives.  Self Care is a small part of what I do, to help those who are single AND those who are in relationships, but it has an important impact.  We cannot expect others to solely responsible for caring for our needs, and those who value self care, have healthier relationships! 


Today, I want to talk about the great act of self care that is shifting your every day focus away from negativity, which will only heighten our anxiety levels, and mindfully FOCUSING towards the kindness out there in the world.

Photo by Slim Emcee (UG) the poet Truth_From_Africa_Photography on Unsplash

It is all too easy right now, to be absolutely overwhelmed by the infection levels, death tolls, politics in the news today.   Too easy to allow our entire perspective to be coloured by the rude people in the line at the shops, the reports of people flouting the lock down,  police harassing people who are just going into work because they have to, our healthcare workers struggling without the proper equipment,  and a social media news feed clogged with complaints, insults and fear.

My self care suggestion today, is to zoom in, and ACTIVELY SEEK OUT THE KINDNESS... the helpers, the good stories, the feeling of the rain on your face, the cherry trees fluttering their pink blossoms outside your window.


The stories of an entire village coming to their front doors to sing Happy Birthday to a man turning 100 years old.  


Of Joe Wicks donating all the proceeds from his 'PE for the Nation' classes to the NHS.


Dolly Parton not only donating loads of money to find a vaccine, but also reading us bedtime stories for free!


People who,though on lock down and struggling to make ends meet, are making masks and scrubs for healthcare workers.


Of neighbors and friends, going out of there way to help on another during this pandemic.

I am not saying to ignore the unsavory reality of what's happening!  I am saying, mindfully spend more time and energy on the good, then on the bad

As I walk down the street taking the dog for a walk, I can choose to stand under the lilac tree, breathing in its sweet fragrant offering AND I can stare at the pile of trash left on the curb that hasn't been picked up for days.

HOWEVER, I NEED RIGHT NOW, to choose to spend more of my time and energy on gently pulling down a low hanging branch of that lilac tree just to really allow it waft all it's glory on me, to notice the blueness of the sky as its glorious backdrop... AND NOT spending way more time and energy complaining about the trash, calling the local authority, calling neighbors to vent etc...

Focus in on the kindness, be the kindness (!) we all need right now, to yourself and others!

Avoid the pitfall of spending way too much time and energy on spiraling down the rabbit hole of doom and gloom, on constantly cycling through transgressions and faults, missteps and villains. 

Make sure you are not only just, balancing it out, but consciously spending MORE time and energy on the good, on SEEKING OUT THE KINDNESS that is out there to be celebrated in spades!

As always, I hope this message inspires you to take care of yourself during this crisis. 

And... I love hearing back from you all on how your are getting on implementing these tips! COMMENT BELOW! :)

Self Care During Crisis Tip #5 - Setting Limits!

I'm back with another Self Care During Crisis Tip, to help see you through this tragic time of pandemic.


This Self Care Tip, is about DOING LESS!  Which, if you have seen the barrage of DO ALL THE THINGS with all your free time posts... you may very well be sighing with relief, right now!



Some of you may indeed have more time on your hands than ever, however it's not always so welcomed because for you, it may be because you have been furloughed, had your hours and salary reduced, lost your job completely, or are seeing your business struggle to make ends meet.


While some of you, may still be working very much full time from home, AND somehow attempting to morph into a teach, as each day the demanding curriculum comes online, and your kids are home all. damn. day. every. day.


We are all worrying about our health, family, friends, jobs, money...



And, for many of you, what little or lots of extra time you do have, thanks to lock down and Covid 19,  anxiety has taken root and given birth to some new coping mechanisms (and not so new ones) that are time sucking their way through our days and nights.   We think these coping mechanisms will ease the anxiety, however we all know, sooner than later, they make us feel even worse, and increase our anxiety.

So, today all me to offer you some guidance in the ninja self care of... SETTING LIMITS!  

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Set limits...

• On Social media!

• Corona virus News!

• Corona Virus conversations!

• Corona virus memes!

• On Television

• On wearing pajamas! 🤭 (oh, yeah I'm going there!)

• On being indoors 24/7!

• On food!

• On all that 'add to cart' online shopping! 

• On how many times you’re allowed to go to the fridge in an hour! 😳

• On days filled with FaceTime calls!

• On Panicking about the future!

• On worry about money!

• On boredom!

• On spending time in the same room as your partner!

• On how long you’re going to swipe away at online dating!

• On how much your kids really REALLY need to learn during this topsy turvy time in our history!

• ON PERFECTIONISM!  That frantic dance of trying to do all the things perfectly, so no one sees how scared you are, and you can feel some sense of control in a out of control situation.

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

This ain't your bath bomb self care... THIS IS CARING FOR YOUR MENTAL, PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH! 



All of your personal situations are different during this crisis, and yet we are all experiencing it as a collective whole, at once, together.

You know, darling , what items on the above list, have your name written all over it.  And, you know the ones I haven’t even thought to include.

he ways we try to cope with anxiety, that unfortunately cause harm to ourselves, and in the end, heighten our anxieties.  We need to care for ourselves, more than every right now.  And that may mean doing LESS of some things, in order to accomplish just that.


I've been doing this self care myself, and it's transformed my experience during this tough time.


First up on my own SETTING LIMITS LIST... access to news.   I check in on my phone in the morning and then try my very best to not do so again, till the 5pm daily briefing. 

Next up... Corona Conversations! At first, I need extra talks with family and friends for connection.  However I soon realized, that there were certain friends or family members, I need to limit contact with, cause all the corona conversations were making me quite unwell.

Then, my old nemesis... television.  See, I am a proper TV junkie without a pandemic, so I had to get on that, fast!  Lots o' TV limits for this girl!


I also, had to make sure I got out in the garden or for a walk, every day, rain or shine.   While, of course, social distancing, and using limits, as not to abuse this to be out and about beyond the guidance of the experts.

What do YOU need to set some limits around, right now?

Please know...
Its okay to not be okay! These are unprecedented times, that none of us were prepared for AND none of have been through before, so how are we supposed to be okay or getting it right, all the time?!!? 
It's okay to be sad, afraid, worried, uncertain, angry... let's set some limits on time spent doing those too, before they consume us whole!

As always I hope this message inspires you to take care of yourself during this crisis.

Self Care During Crisis Tip #3: Falling In Love During A Pandemic

Just lil ol' me back with another Self Care Tip ,

Today's Self Care During Crisis Tip is for all my singletons! 

Here was a great question posted in the Feminista Seeks Love group yesterday…

How long should you date someone before labels like girl friend/boy friend come into play? Before saying I love you?


It’s a question I get normally, and one of the first things I address with new coaching clients who are looking for love… HOWEVER yesterday, it gave me extra cause for pause.

Right now, we are in the throes of a worldwide pandemic, our present is discombobulated at best, and under direct threat, at worst.  Our future is super uncertain.  This is a crisis.  And crisis can do funny things to the heart!

Oxytocin is often called the "love hormone" or "cuddle chemical," but American and Norwegian researchers have found out that it may as well be called a "crisis hormone


-Norwegian University of Science and Technology

When we are under threat, our brains release Oxytocin, so we can fight, flight or freeze our asses for survival.   It also is what makes us band together to fight a common threat.  Trauma bonding is a real thing. And, in itself isn't inherently a bad thing... but confusing this with intimacy, profound once in a lifetime connection and with really knowing someone, can be a very bad thing.


There are countless examples of this… I always think of the movie SPEED, with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock.  Classic example of two strangers, bonded together by an extremely traumatic survival situation, that ends, of course... with a big romance.  AND, the movie ends there.  What we don’t see is, what happened the weeks that followed that terrifying bus ride! 

Some of you were mid 1st, 2nd and 3rd date or more, when the world as we know it, fell apart and social distancing became the new black. And you have carried on, scheduling fun video dates with these people. Which is GREAT!  This virus dust will settle, and life will move on.  Yassss, keep moving forward with dating!

What concerns me as that during this crisis, oxytocin may very well be blending with some ‘oh shit, I'm all alone with no one to go through this big life stuff with’ and creating a cocktail of hot wired intimacy, that feels very VERY real… but is short cutting the simple fact that, true intimacy takes T I M E. 

Getting to know someone, and making an informed conscious decision to commit to that person, cannot be rushed.  I suggest 10-15 dates to clients, which depending on the circumstances, is approx. 3-6 months. By all means, request sexual exclusivity for safety reasons, but actually choosing this person as a partner?!?! Let’s not do that all hopped up high on Oxytocin! 

Self Care in this situation means, sloooowwww down.  Enjoy the ride of getting to know someone! 

We are on lock down people, time is what we have most of right now!






Oh, and one last BONUS tip for you, dearest , see below.

THIS!  ALL THE THIS!  lol  :)

Self Care During Crisis Series - Tip #2... OWN TODAY!

So, How's your apocalypse going ?

Tip #2 for the Self Care During Crisis Series, has arrived!  Hurrah!

Whether you are working from home, living in lock down, self isolating, temporarily out of work, quarantined or working like crazy in essential services, REGARDLESS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS... I wanted to take some time to offer whatever help I could. 


This pandemic is scaryAF and has been life changing for all of us.   WE are all in this together! So I have launched this series to contribute some helpful tips to inspire you to take the greatest care of yourself. 

This is NOT a daily challenge!  Life is challenging enough, right now!   This Self Care Series is merely my own random acts of kindness, to let you know, I am here with you; ready to help in any way, large or small, that I can.


Many of us, have wayyyy more time on our hands than we did, this time two weeks ago.  And what so many of people have said to me, via email and online, is how fearful they are of being isolated home and disconnected from family, friends and life.   Prolonged cabin fever, is freaking many of non high risk folks, more than the Coronavirus does!

Photo by Nijwam Swargiary on Unsplash

I don't know about you, but I was out of decent TV by day three...

And although the idea of Netflixing ourselves into a coma, can seem like self care, in reality it's s a very short term fix, to a long term problem.

Disconnection, boredom, lack of movement, disruption to our normal routines and rituals, the feeling of being trapped in our own homes can lead to lethargy at best, and depression at worst.

Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

However here's the thing... alternating between mainlining box sets and scrolling through social media, whilst staring longingly out the window is NOT your only option!

What if we really set some intentions around HOW we can use this unexpected downtime?  

It may just be your normal commute to work time of 30-60 minutes that is no longer part of your daily routine!  Or it may be a whole lot more free time, than you have experienced in years!


See, I've been thinking a lot about this too.  How can I use this time productively, so I do not fall into the downward spiral of doom, gloom and out right cabin fever?!?!


Well, let's explore that for today's top Self Care During Crisis tip, shall we?

What intentional, nourishing, nurturing activities can you engage in during this time of isolation and social distancing?  Not a TO DO list, think of it as a TO NOURISH list!

What are some things, you have always wanted to do, but just never seemed to have any time for? 

Photo by Nathan Lemon on Unsplash

Yoga?  Knitting?  Painting? Learning a new language? Meditation? Refinish that dining room table? Paint some walls?  Finally design and plant up your garden? Map out that business you always dreamed of starting?  Design that website for your own blog? Read some books, simply for the pleasure of it?  Catch up on some fab podcasts?  Go for a run?  Tinker with the project that's been collecting dust in the garage? Pull out the sewing machine and make some drapes? Learn how to sew?!?!

Pull out a notebook and pen, my darling... and start setting some nurturing intentions for your very own 'TO NOURISH' list!




Here's my very own Self Care in Crisis 'TO NOURISH' list...

- Learn Italian!  Always wanted to, have been talking about it for years... never could find the time.

- FINALLY get my online Dating Coaching program created!  I have been dreaming about, promising women all over town, that I would create an online version of my coaching, however it is a massive amount of up front work... creating presentations, recording videos for 18 modules!  Well, I've already started last week, and I'm on Module 4 already. Hurrah!

- Improve my yoga practice!

- Read Becoming by Michelle Obama.  I have been picking it up and putting it down for over a year... now I am going to grab a lawn chair, sit in the garden and finish it! 

- Learn to play guitar!  Santa was kind enough to bring me one for Christmas, however, I have not made the time to really dedicate to learning... NOW I CAN! 

Photo by Emma Matthews Digital Content Productionvia unsplash

I am not trying to be cavalier about this global pandemic! 

People are ill, and dying. All of us are facing uncertainty, worrying daily and missing family and friends.  I am simply guiding you towards any damn silver lining we can find, right now.  And, hoping to assist you in living each day, to its fullest (now more than ever) and to take the greatest care of yourself during this tragic time, where anxiety, depression and fear are following us around, looking for an in.



What is on your personal 'to nurture' list?   Comment below and tell me all about it!

FREE Self Care During Crisis Series - Come Join us!

Well, life as we know it got real interesting real quick, didn't it?!?! 

I hope this blog finds you and yours, safe and healthy. 

Many of you are self isolating, quarantined, working from home, trying not to kill your partners as you both work from home (including me!!), feeling alone and extra EXTRA single right now, or working like a mad person in the medical field and service industries... AND ALL OF US, are faced with something, that in our lifetime, we have never faced before!

When faced with extreme uncertainty and heightened tensions on our timelines and news feeds, some of our anxiety levels are sky rocketing.  Some of us are burrowing deeply into denial.  While others are out panic buying all the toilet paper!  YIKES!

We need self care, more than ever right now.  To that end, I will be running a LIVE video series over in 'Feminista Seeks Love' facebook group for all my single ladies. 

Join us in the FEMINISTA SEEKS LOVE facebook group for this Self Care Series!

For those who do not fall into that category, you are still quite loved by me, my darling, AND I will be emailing you more regularly, with self care tips and tools.

My hope is to offer you as much support, care, and kindness over the coming weeks, as is within my gift to do so! 

If you are in the fabulous single ladies club, BUT you are not already a member of my fb group of like minded badasses, please do join us below.



If not, stay tuned here on the blog, as I offer us as much tools as I can muster for you to be kinder to yourself and take the greatest care in this time of crisis.   xx