Love

Let's Talk About Sex, PART TWO: SEX And The SIngle Lady

LIVE talk given by Love Coach and Dating Expert Jessica Elizabeth Opert on the single woman finding her sensual power in love, dating and SEX!

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The LAW OF ATTRACTION... WTAF is it? And why is it NOT working for you?

The Law Of Attraction is bandied about these days like wild fire.  Celebrities, CEOS, coaches, gurus.. you name it, THEY LOVE IT!

 
So, WTAF is the Law of Attraction?  And how does it really work?

image: unsplash.com

image: unsplash.com

Simply put the Law of Attraction is the universal law that states that every person has the ability to attract things into their lives through their own thoughts and intentions.
 

If someone is thinking and believing negative things all the time, they will attract negative things into their experience.  If someone is thinking and believing positivity things all the time, they will attract that into their experience.  In theory, ( and how most people speak about it) people can use the Law of Attraction to attract situation, experiences and even, material objet into their life.

 
(Before we move ahead, I will be referring to the Law of Attraction from here on out as LOA, to streamline this a bit, for me and you.)


 

A great deal about what is said about the LOA is only HALF the story! 

Attraction is ONE OF TWO forces contained in magnetism. The other is REPULSION.  Magnetism does not operate without out both poles. In other words, if you accept that you ate currently attracting elements (both good and bad) into your life, then you must accept you are repelling elements (both good and bad) as well, simultaneously.  In fact, you are probably repelling a lot more than you are attracting!  Your entire life experience, everything you have attracted to you, is very small in comparison to all the possibilities that are being repelled. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are good reasons to repel more than we attract. One reason, of course, is that if we attracted ALL THE THINGS, it would be quite overwhelming!
 
I had three simultaneous really wonderful job offers once, and it was absolute agony trying to decipher which one was the right choice!  What if that was ten offers? Twenty? 

Head. Officially. Done. In.


 
Of course, changing or mindset, being more positive has a profound effect on our confidence, however it also has a profound effect on our physicality.  Our tone, stature, body language and even how widely and genuinely we smile, is impacted, which of course is going to also hugely impact out engagement with other people and things!

 
But the Law of Attraction is SO MUCH MORE than simply sitting around thinking positively about how everything is possible and chanting ‘Manifest! Manifest! Manifest!!’  
 

It’s is and needs to be so much more than repetitively thinking, saying and setting our intention, with ideas and statements like, “I will have lots of money” or “I will have all the love”.    

Affirmations will not do the trick alone!

 

Darling %FIRSTNAME%,  please DO read on, as these next TWO crucial bits are what either make the Law of Attraction actually work or not work!

 

For LOA to be functional, there must be CLARITY. 

We must know exactly what we want and need in which to to attract it.  The LOA requires us to use acute visualizations and descriptors for our thoughts and mindset of what we want to have, be and do, in order to consistently call it out to the universe, and attract it.

 

If I walk down the street, yelling JOB JOB, I NEED A JOB. ANY OL’ JOB. I WANT A JOB!

I may actually attract some job offers.  Do I want to work in the mobile phone store? Or the flower shop?  NO?  Oh, well maybe we should be saying.. JOB! JOB!, I want a digital marketing job with a fortune 500 in San Francisco, JOB!  

 
Similarly, it is incredibly helpful to boost our positive thinking with “I am ready for love” or 'I am lovable” however, that’s not using the LOA. 

If you walk down the street chanting 'LOVE, LOVE SEND ME THE LOVE, ALLLLL THE LOVE. ' The Universe may very well respond…  with a puppy!  Which, I mean PUPPY (!!!OMG!!!) HOWEVER, I bet you meant something, a bit different.  We don’t want just ANYONE who wants to love us… someone with a pulse, a plausible sex addiction and £/$200K in debt, though crazy in love with you they may be, is not the look you’re going for!

 

BE CAREFUL WITH WHAT YOU WISH FOR.  TAKE GREAT CARE…

Take great care and time, and energy, heck even some money AND get crystal clear on what exactly want to use the LOA for... visualize, journal, speak with people who love you about it, take a long hard look at your past, get a coach, see a therapist...do whatever it takes, so you can craft a clear picture and concept around love, your future soul mate & partnership.    
 
 
 
Last, MAGNIFICENT, life changing part of the LOA?

Alright, in order to get to that I NEED to say this next thing...

One of the largest proponents for LOA, is THE SECRET. 
 
Straight up, I'm NOT A FAN of The Secret.  Lemme tell ya why! 

The Secret, in a nutshell, asks us to visualize and act as if our future intent is already our present. 
 
Back on to that street… chanting I AM A LOTTERY WINNER, I AM A LOTTERY WINNER, I AM A…
 
Hold up.  Have you even bought a lottery ticket?  Oh, no?  Um….


 
Now, how about “I AM MARRIED. I HAVE A FAMILY. I AM MARRIED. I HAVE A FAMILY!”
 
Oh boy. Who's looking all crazy pants on the street now? 
 
What’s really interesting, is many of the original Secreters (is that a thing?)  who traveled the world speaking about and teaching this, are now reporting back something really important.  They say, if they could do it, write that book, all over again… they would add one TREMENDOUS things that is currently missing.   ACTION!


 

Here’s is the deal.  For the LOA to work, YOU MUST BE DOING!  You must take actions, risk, time (oh yeah, no overnight sensations) and even MONEY, to attract the things you want.

Its gonna take some WERRRRK, girl.  Hard, worthy work! 
 

I can and do give the women I coach all the heart mending, mind blowing, world changing tools & techniques in the world, however if they don’t TAKE ACTION… by embracing them, trying them AND take the show on the road… ZERO RESULTS!  WOMP WOMP.

However, when THEY 'DO', take those brave actions, step out on some faith and take all the magic, out on the road... WOWZA!

In closing;
Being open minded to new ideas, to new possibilities plays and taking on a more positive mindset, is step 1 of LOA.
 
Being honest, and I mean dig deep, SHAME FREE, honest about what and who you are looking for in a relationship and partner to create that crystal clear visualization is step 2 of LOA.
 
And being WILLING, to do the work, to take some risks, to take action on those new ideas, new adventures. To push yourself way beyond where you have been, is the final CRUCIAL step of LOA.

 
If you want something new & different, then you are going to have to DO something new & different!



 
 

I went LIVE about this very topic just the other day in the FEMINISTA SEEKS LOVE facebook group.  All day, every day, I am in that group handing out inspiration, tips, techniques and so much love...

YOU should totally JOIN OUR GIRL GANG!

FEMINISTA SEEKS LOVE - A Facebook Group, of community & solidarity, for fierce like-minded women out in the jungle looking for love!

FEMINISTA SEEKS LOVE - A Facebook Group, of community & solidarity, for fierce like-minded women out in the jungle looking for love!

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THE BLAME GAME

How's your Blame Game skills these days? 

Ahhhh yes, The Blame Game.  I'm well acquainted with this party trick, for sure!

It’s typically the very first thing we go to, in the heat of the moment, when we are hurt and angry.  Which is actually completely normal.  When someone feels victimized, when we are hurt, we naturally focus our attention on the person, place or thing that has hurt us.

If I am burned by the stove, after whelping a very loud ouch or, in my case, most likely a high volume expletive, my eyes will go to, the stove!  If, on hearing me scream out, you come running into the kitchen and ask, ‘What happened?’,  I will point at the stove! 

If we further unpick this analogy, we realize that the stove didn’t burn me. I burned myself on the stove.  I got too close to something hot, I was careless, doing too many things at once, the stove, of course, did not leap across the kitchen and burn me!

 

So when we are hurt by our partners, whether that harm is real or perceived, intentional or unintentional, the finger will naturally rise and point at them.

 

The Blame Game, is when we never stop to unpick our part. 

The Blame Game is when we are always carrying around with us, all the things they have done, to cause us harm. 

The Blame Game is when we decide unequivocally, that the problems and failings in our partnerships, are completely (or most often) their fault.   

 

I know what you’re thinking… BUT JESSICA, IT IS THEIR FAULT!!! 

Yes, sometimes the blame is absolutely, justified and pointed in the right place!

 

Here’s the thing;

THE BLAME GAME, IS A LOSING GAME.

EVERY.

DAMN.

TIME.

422e11d0578a7ba471cf393560b0cb65.jpeg

If you want to change the communication in your partnership, and start to garner some truly effective transformation in how you express and then get your needs met… The Blame Game MUST go!

 

Here’s some tips on doing just that;

  • Never make your partner feel selfish, inadequate or incompetent. Effective communication will dissolve if we focus on pointing out the other persons shortcomings. Any human being’s natural reaction will be to go on the defensive AND/OR to be demobilized by shame.  

 

  • Find a time to have the discussion when you are calm. Attempting to have effective communication when emotions are running high, especially anger is a contradiction in terms. When we are angry or hurt, most of us will immediately pick up the blame game. Again, that’s normal to do so, it’s just not okay to try and communicate effectively when we are in that place.  Take a walk to cool off OR Set a day and time, in advance, with your partner to discuss what happened.  This allows both of you time to cool, to prepare mentally AND no one ever feels like they walked into an ambush.

 

  • How things sound in our head and how they sound in reality, can be very different.  Especially when we are hurt or angry.  Speaking to one or two trusted friends or a coach/therapist can help us ratify our thinking and shift away from the blame game, BEFORE we speak without partners.

 

Remember, you can still advocate for your needs, and point out where your partner goes wrong… just drop the BLAME GAME and pick up the tools that actually result in effective communication AND you getting what you need! LOVE!

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And the crown for BEST ATTACHMENT STYLE goes to...

Over the last weeks, I have been posting about Attachment Styles, and how understanding and accepting your own attachment style was one of the most crucial keys to changing the dynamic in how you seek, attract, give and receive LOVE!

In case you missed ityou can catch up with learning about the AVOIDANT attachment style, here  and the ANXIOUS attachment style, here



Today, it's ALL aboard… the SECURE ATTACHMENT STYLE train!
 

3 of 3 in the Attachment Style series,
THE BEST ATTACHMENT STYLE, REVEALED!

 
 
I mentioned last week, that this was one of those rare topics where everybody, doesn’t get a prize

That there was a specific attachment style that is, the winner.  An attachment style that is THE BEST type to be when it comes to giving and receiving love AND when it comes to long term success and happiness, in relationships.  
 

And the crown goes to…

THE SECURE ATTACHMENT STYLE!

Oh yes. I said it.  The best type of attachment, is SECURE.  

It’s the best to find in a partner, it’s the best to overlay over, our own default attachment style.
 
I always think of it as the story of the Tortoise and the Hare.  The secure type is the tortoise, the slow and steady wins the race kinda’ gal or guy.   Whilst the Avoidant is the hopping hare, jumping away quickly and the Anxious is the hopping hare, jumping up and down frantically without getting anywhere.   The Secure Tortoise plods along, winning the race.
 
The Secure attachment style folks, are solid, reliable, consistent, calm, steady, resilient and direct communicators.  Secure types inherently have an overall deep sense of trust, worthiness, dignity and respect, first for themselves and then, for others.  They believe themselves to be trustworthy and they will extend that same trust to you, almost immediately.  They are incredibly respectful and are often completely befuddled when respect is not an immediate part of the negotiations.  

And don’t even try to play the jealously game with a secure type. You know, when you want to ‘test their love’ and subsequently drive yourself a bit crazy trying to poke them so they get jealous.  Chances are, they won’t blink. 

They are with you, because they trust you. If they didn’t trust you, they wouldn’t be with you. Simple, cut and dry, that’s the secure type.   So they’re not going to get jealous. It’s a emotional response they just don’t go to and if they do find themselves in a relationship that does not have trust, dignity respect and calm, two things will happen.  They will walk away.  They will lose their secure attachment style and get all sorts of Avoidant and/or Anxious. 
 
Secure Attachment styles do not freak out when things get intimate, they don’t constantly worry about  their relationship status.

Do Secure types have any downsides? 

Of course!  Secure types, can be so resilient, have almost too much of saint like patience, that they put up with way more crap in a relationship then they should. 

They can become so involved with their need for security and steadiness that they don’t want to ‘rock the boat’ by bringing up things they are unhappy about within a relationship. 

They can become so disorientated in a relationship with a partner who is avoidant or anxious, in a relationship that doesn’t allow for free flowing trust, dignity and connection, that they lose their innate sense of security and latch on to a different attachment style.  
 
 
 
Remember, we can change and overlay any attachment we want, both consciously and unconscionably, and often people who start off in life and even in early relationships as quite secure can find themselves now, many years later, quite anxious or avoidant.  Maybe they had their security threatened as a young child, maybe their Anxious partner has threatened their calm sense of security, maybe after years of dating avoidants, they have lost their sense of belief and security in love in general.
 
 
Last downside? 

Secure types are often pass over in dating, quite easily.  Let’s face it, the secure attachment style isn’t the most glamorous.  And it sure doesn’t sound like what all the messaging (songs, poems and rom-coms) are telling us, about love.  Where’s the drama? Where’s the fireworks?  Where’s the plate smashing???  In today’s modern world, we can mistake these secure types for disinterested, lack luster and even label them a bore!  Especially if we are usually are an Anxious attachment style.  And if we are avoidant?? Ooof, the consistent intimacy offered by secure types?  Freaks. Us. Out.

 

What can we do if we want to attract a secure type, be more of Secure type OR keep a secure type in our current relationship?

In Dating…

Once we truly familiarize ourselves with the Secure Attachment style, even in just reading these blogs I offered, you will begin to be able to spot the three attachment styles in yourself and in others.  With the women I work with privately, most of which are NOT naturally secure types or sure aren’t after years of unsuccessful dating and relationships, we focus in on building self worth and faith in ourselves and love.   Remember, someone with a secure attachment style, is someone who expects respect, dignity and trust because they offer those things freely.  If we want to not only attract a secure type, but also BE more secure in our offering of love, we need to walk the walk! 

 

In Relationships...

When one partner is secure and the other is not, the work for the partner who is NOT secure mimics the work above.  However, we also work deeply on communication skills, so they can understand their secure partner AND communicate their own anxiety and avoidance in a way that produces a constructive way forward for both towards one another. 

For the secure partner, sometimes we need to create a safe, loving atmosphere for them to feel secure enough, to 'rock the boat' and communicate the concerns they have about the partnership. 


 
If, after reading these blogs, you are still unsure which attachment style you are OR what you can start doing to lay bold claim to the SECURE attachment style, I invite you to get on the phone with me, and have a chat!  

I’m currently offering my signature  FREE 45 minute Breakthrough to Love Call, and would love to hop on the line, and have that chat with you in the next couple of weeks!

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Do you know your LOVE attachment style? Are you avoiding love in dating & relationships? YIKES!

Lately, I’ve been digging in a bit again, around 'attachment' styles. WOW, is this really fascinating stuff!

Over the next couple of weeks I will be guiding you through a brief introduction to these various attachment styles, so you can begin to identify your own default style, rumble with how that’s effecting both your search for love AND how you are engaging in your current relationship + how to begin to change up your attachment style for better results in love and relationships.

YES. You read that right.  These next few blogswill be invaluable to those who are still looking for love AND those fighting to keep love! 

Attachment styles, is our natural default engagement with attraction, attachment and love.

Attachment styles, directly influence who we choose, how we interpret feelings of love, how we respond to love and how we show love.

There are three major attachment styles, Anxious, Avoidant and Secure.

Oh, and this is NOT one of those contests, where everybody gets a prize.  There is ONE DEFINITIVE attachment style that is THE BEST. That when we are OR overlay this particular type we have better, longer lasting, happier and more fulfilled relationships!  So stay tuned, throughout this series, dearest ones!

 

First up… the AVOIDANT Attachment Style!

The Avoidant attachment style is REALLY interesting.

The avoidant style always manifests itself. Which is to say, it requires some proactive thought or action, even if only subconsciously to consistently be maneuvering to keep people, and partners at an arm’s length.  The Avoidant attachment style, determines to a great degree what you expect from relationships, how you engage with romantic situations, how you interpret what prospective and actual partners want from you and want to give to you.

The Avoidant often self-identify as ‘free spirits’ and they view ‘NEEDS’, especially needing other people, as a weakness. The avoidant will tend to repress emotions instead of expressing them.  When someone takes a step closer to them, offering connection, intimacy and even safety, the avoidant will take two steps back. 

 

Here is the super abbreviated version of what you really need to know;

1. We come across them SO MUCH whilst dating because they are the largest population of the dating pool.. they avoid relationships, so stay single and dating longer and/or have a higher turn over in relationships, hence dipping in and out of the dating pool more often. (#ghosting #mixedmessages #saytheywantarelationshipthensaytheydont)

 

2. Avoidant can be a secondary attachment style, many of us adopt and lay over our natural attachment style as a survival skill. We come to believe, maybe after being hurt in love or due to abandonment or instability (as example) in our childhoods that self-reliance and avoiding attachment is the safer option. This self-reliance is fear based, so please don't confuse it with independence. It ain't, doll. I often witness women brandish 'I don't need a partner/I love my single status' as a shield (and a mask) which is not truly authentic OR helpful, if it comes from a place of fear and ego! And by 'witness', I mean I've also seen it in the mirror too! 😲

For those in relationships, we may have been hurt by our current partner, so we recede into the depths and into our fortresses, avoiding intimacy and vulnerability, for protection.  Again, if we are engaging with love from a place of anger, resentment and fear...then we‘re not engaging with love, at all. If our partners actions are forgivable, we need to forgive and if they aren’t, if there is no love left on the table worth fighting for, it may be time to stop digging and move on.

 

3. For those of us with a more anxious attachment style (more on that later) we are often drawn to and fall for the Avoidant because we confuse the highs and lows of our anxiety attachment with the feeling of 'falling in love'. Avoidants are the worst attachment style for Anxious types, as they cannot offer us the stability we require to feel safe. And yet, when we meet Secure attachment folks, because the frenetic energy of our own anxiety attachment, the crazy highs and lows, are not activated we think there is no 'spark'. Hellllo vicious cycle!

Fascinating stuff. And a bit of a head scramble, but in a good way! 🤣

Here are a few quick tips to help move you forward through and beyond The Avoidant Attachment Style.

How do we ‘avoid’ Avoidants whilst dating? 

Abundance is a top technique for dodging avoidants. The more people we date, the more active we are on meeting new people, the more likely we will get in front of people who do not have the avoidance attachment style. Of course really understanding and accepting our own attachment style, what we really NEED in a relationship (versus what we want sometimes) is they super duper ninja move.

 

Yikes, I may be in a committed relationship with an avoidant, are we doomed?

NO.  The Avoidant attachment style, like any other attachment style, can change.  Sometimes, they really want to love us, and the wall inside of them is blocking them, as much as it is you.  Threatening, badgering or making demands of an avoidant, is the worst possible tactic. They scare easy, no matter how tough they may act.  If you can consistently offer them safety, they will step out of the fortress.  This won’t happen overnight or even after a week of trying.  This is a long game, my dear.  Once you have created an atmosphere of safety, you can logically lay out how their behaviour makes you feel and tell them specifically what they can do to support and love you better. Think of it as saying “we’re here. Would you like to go there with me?  This is how we can get there together and it would be most helpful if YOU did X, Y, Z for us to get there.”

 

Uh oh, I am an Avoidant… now what?

There is a whole lotta work to do around changing and tempering your attachment style. KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE!  We can absolutely overlay other attachment styles, over our default. We can zig, when your attachment style is telling us to ZAG.  We can choose partners who offer a secure attachment style. If we are in a relationship, and we can see how our own avoidance is creating damage, we can have a brave conversation with our partners, let them know how we operate and what we need (scary word for the avoidant) from them to help us try to do better at giving and receiving love.

 

Later this week, I will be reviewing the Anxious attachment style, so stay tuned!

 

Attachment styles is a well researched area of human engagement and connection;  covering it ALL in a blog, will never be possible.  Helping individuals and couples understand, accept and move forward with their attachment styles is part of the deeper work I do with my private clients. 

 

There are many MANY books on this however one I have come to rely on is 'ATTACHED, by Dr Amir Levine & Rachel Heller'.  #recommendedreading

xx 💘

 

 

#attachmentstyles #avoidantattachmentstyle #dating #relationships #betterrelationships #choosingbetterpartners #love

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Attain THE cornerstone to LOVE

Oh my, this week’s topic applies to ALL of us. 

This week’s Love Letter is focused intently on the very cornerstone that any search for love or attempts to nurture love, rests upon. 

Our individual level of self-esteem.

photo credit; Photo by  Giulia Bertelli  on  Unsplash   

photo credit; Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash
 

We cannot have meaningful, healthy, long lasting connection with other human beings, if we first do not have a meaningful, healthy, long lasting connection with ourselves. 

Doubt, distrust, resentment, anger, fear, unclear communications, poor conflict resolution, are all typical symptons of low self-esteem.  Whilst empowerment, confidence, goodwill and yes, LOVE… need the fertile soil of high self-esteem in which to take root and grow!

Before we dive in, allow me to clarify, from the very start, some of the confusion around Self Esteem. 

Many of us think that Confidence and Self Worth (or self-esteem) are one in the same.  Let’s pull those two things apart, right now.

Confidence is our outward bravery. 

Confidence is the value we wish to show the rest of the world and what is reflected back to us. Confidence can be called upon in the moment, we can pep talk ourselves into confidence before you walk into that big meeting at the office or showing u p for the first day of a course, or before walking into social situations and event. 

WARNING. Confidence is TEMPORARY. 

That’s okay, temporary is what confidence does best.  It just means confidence has an expiration date.  That expiration date, is directly triggered by our self-esteem.

 

SELF-ESTEEM is our inner bravery.  

Self -Esteem (or Self-Worth) is how we truly value ourselves, for ourselves. It can also be how we believe we are valued on a universal level.  Are we deserving? Are we a good person?  Exactly how smart, funny, kind, beautiful do WE believe we are?   No one can define our self-worth, our internal value, but us. 

The more self-esteem we have, the longer and more genuine our confidence (the projection of that value) lasts.

 

Self-esteem is an issue that arises for every person I speak with and coach.  EVERY PERSON. Regardless of relationship status.

Photo by  Jared Erondu  on  Unsplash

So how do we garner higher self-esteem?  The simplest answer to that is do to estimable things.  Acts of contribution, giving, care and love worthy of great respect.  

So… okay, how what exactly does THAT look like? 

When 'the patient comes' to me, complaining of, or displaying low self-esteem, the very first thing I do is check the their vitals.

I ask them, what do they do to love and care for themselves?  What estimable acts, what actions of self-love and self care is part of their DAILY practice? 

For some, the concept of self-care and self-love is alien.  For others, these concepts though familiar, have been cut away.

Sometimes, life gets hectic. Careers, relationships, dating, heartbreak, kids, aging parents, and for way too many of us, the first person to be bumped down the priority list, is US!  Acts of kindness and care for ourselves get cancelled out of the diary, put off to tomorrow or next week. 

We can’t make that yoga class this week.  No time for guided mediation, need to read this research instead. We find ourselves skipping meals;  no time for breakfast, totally forget to eat lunch or devour something fast and not so healthy at our desks.   Sleep becomes elusive. No time to see friends, too much on our mind to have a giggle.  Our hobbies, that give us such pleasure and joy, maybe next week!  Holidays, museum days, going for long walks in the countryside… they’ll have to wait too. We’re just to busy; such and such needs my attention, so and so needs my care, this and that needs to get done! It will have to wait,  I WILL HAVE TO WAIT!

We are so busy caring for others, meeting our boss's needs, our partners, our children, taking yet another call from a client, a heartbroken friend, or the school, or our parent.  We lose any regular practice of self-love. We find ourselves, our happiness and pleasure first on the sacrificial alter. 

Yes.  Caring for others, making a contribution to the world around us, both small and large are crucial estimable acts HOWEVER today, I want to challenge you... to bump yourself to to the tippy top of the priority list!

 

We simply cannot go out into the world, with our pitcher filled with water, pouring it out wherever we go, without making sure we are regularly filling it up again, and again.

So here is my challenge to you, if you choose to accept it, that WILL help you garner higher self esteem in just 7 days!!!

photocredit; Photo by  Joshua Earle  on  Unsplash

photocredit; Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

Challenge Phase 1:

Make a list of at least 10 items you know are acts of self-care and self-love for you, and you alone.

Ten actions that bring you calm, happiness, wellbeing, pleasure and physical and mental health.

(this could be... yoga, reading a good book, long walk in the countryside, chocolate, spa day, running, facials, fav pod cast, coaching, time with nephews and nieces, spin class, jumping in the sea, fancy meal out, antiquing, live music, positive affirmations, therapy, lunch in the sunshine, open mic nights, and on and on and on!)

 

 

Challenge Phase 2:

Take some time here and line by line, item by item, make a numerical notation next to each item that correspond with how many times you actually participated and partook in each of these estimable acts of self care.. in the last 14 days.  

Ex. Here is my personal list.

1.     Ride my motorcycle (0)

2.     Yoga/Pilates. (1)

3.     Meditation (1)

4.     A day at the seaside (2)

5.     Dinner or coffee with friends (1)

6.     Ice cream (!!) (2)

7.     Going out for comedy/theatre (0)

8.     Getting a Massage (1)

9.     Bicycle ride (1)

10.  Getting out of the office every day (3)

 

 

Challenge Phase 3: 

Take out your calendar/diary and schedule in SOMETHING every day. 

It doesn’t have to be an hour yoga class… maybe 15 minutes on a Yoga app before bed?  It may not be 30 minutes of mediation at 7am, but instead a sleep mediation you find on youtube you use at bedtime.  It may not be dinner with friends, but scheduling in a 10 minute phone call to your bestie for a giggle. 

Intentionally CARVE out 5 minutes on one day,  20 minutes on another, 1-2 hours on a Sunday.. whatever it takes to implement even the smallest act of self care, EACH DAY.   It’s high time, you make YOU the first stop on the self esteem your, and fill that pitcher.

 

Maybe you don’t have a top 10!?!   Maybe you have never EVER considered yourself, your needs, your desires, your care as a priority?  Maybe you’re not even sure what makes you happy? 

WELCOME dearest one.   You're in the right place!

I challenge you to come up with a list, let your fingers to the walking on google “What is self love?”,  carve out those same blocks in your dairy with the notation ‘Find my joy!’ and “Self care’. Go out and experiment till you find your Top 10 list!

 

 

Challenge Phase 4: 

Comment below your lists!  This will also provide those who are struggling to come up with 10 self care acts with a fodder of ideas to try, so you get some points for contribution!  Oooooh!

Post how you got on with putting you towards the top of that priority list this coming week! 

Let me know how you are feeling AND how you believe this has effected your interactions and ability to contribute with and to others in your path!

 

I do hope you accept this 7 day Self-Esteem Challenge and boost that self esteem by engaging with some real kindness, care and joy for yourself... as it will revolutionize how you find, attract, give and receive LOVE!

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9 Things Couples' Therapists Want You To Know About Marriage & Kids

First it was a team of TWO... and then BOOM! A team of three, four, five...

Starting a family, and the incomprehensible joy children can bring to our lives is an epic pivot point in a couples life.  I mean, once you get past the absolute terror of those first days (or months) of each of you doing your very best to keep them alive... AND once you learn first hand just how little sleep a human needs to function, of course!  

The moment comes for us all, the welcomed exhale as they begin to endlessly entertain us with their antics and the awe inspiring 'firsts' as they experience the world.  It's magic!

HOWEVER, many MANY couples struggle to maintain the well being and health of the original'Team of TWO'. Both individually and as a couple.  Time becomes sand, that not just slips but spills furtively from our hands, and all too often, a couple becomes two separate islands with an ocean between them. 

Date night? Sex? Quiet conversation over a candle lit dinner?  AHAHAHAHA What's that?  

One of the greatest gifts we can offer for a child's development and future emotional maturity is a love filled home.  Love that flows freely, not just to them, but between the parents too. 

The very hip folks over @ Romper.com, get it!  Romper 'chronicles that crazy adventure — its highs and its lows — in a way that’s smart, honest, helpful, and above all, fun. Raising another human is no joke, but it’s often hilarious.'   

They did us all a great service by providing this fantastic article to help YOU out with everything I just spoke about!  HURRAH! 

romper.com

romper.com

It was an honour to contribute as an relationship expert on this article, and hope you find my tips, along with some other experts, super helpful as you navigate partnership and parenting!

READ THE ARTICLEHERE https://www.romper.com/p/9-things-couples-therapists-want-you-to-know-about-marriage-kids-45082

 

What's not working for you?  Where is the STRUGGLE so very real as you try to be the best parent and partner?  xx

 

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