VISUAL:
Similarly, there are those of us that require visual acts of love.
If we can see it, we can believe it.
The way our partner looks at us, the level of eye contact, the softness of the gaze sends shivers down our spine. Beyond eye contact (cause oh yes, for the visual lovers, there's more!) if it’s written or a visual token of your affections, like those flowers, cards , we will relish in this act of love like no other. Many more typically environmental acts, such as the elaborate Pinterest worthy couples picture display you did in the living room? We almost died, from the mega burst of love that sent us and it works like a charm every time we 'see' it!
Where many of us go wrong, is we expect our partners to register love on our personal terms. We show them love, the way we would know we were loved. And we expect them to show us love, in terms we can understand even when we don’t communicate what that really means.
The first hurtle is assumption. I assume, that if this format is how I know I am best loved, then surely you are the same. Chances are, they’re not.
In Gary Chapmans book, ‘The 5 Languages of Love’ he touches on these cornerstones of how we give and receive love.
Discovering our own language of love and our partners, is the start to casting away the non functional rule book of “Do unto others…”.
In my work with private clients, I always start with ensuring that each individual knows how they identifies and accepts love best. A lot of us don’t know our own truly preferred method of receiving love!
We are bombarded daily, by TV shows, movies, internet Top 10 lists, magazines and good ol’ compare and despair, of friends and family with what love ‘should’ look like, smell like and taste like.
Only you, can answer this for you.
This act of self- discovery, is the first step in establishing what forms of love are most meaningful and authentic to you.
If you have saved every card past lovers have given you, if you have been known to dry out valentines roses… if when thinking back to your earlier stages of your current relationship, the moments that stand out, the moments ‘you knew he/she loved you’ are memories of catching them looking at you with pride, your eyes connecting in silence while a firework finale was going off in your heart… you might just be a visual lover.
Of course, starting by taking a look at how we show love, is always a fierce indicator for how we want to receive it. If you find yourself being the one who bought that digital frame filled with all of your holiday pics with your partner for your office desk, or find yourselfplanning the perfect weekend getaway at the golfing resort that also has a killer spa that your partner will LOVE, you might just be on team environment!
If you’re making the effort to show love to your partner, IN ANY FORMAT, you are already on the winning team HOWEVER if you can shift that to showing love in a way that truly resonates with them, to the format they recognize and appreciate most… BOOM! Most valuable player award goes to….
If you are frustrated, and starting to worry that your partnership is in trouble and are questioning if this person loves you anymore because it sure doesn’t look, sound or feel like it? This work is EPIC!
Once you know what you NEED to feel loved, you can communicate that clearly, instead of just throwing spaghetti at the wall with your requests i.e. “Janet's husband did this, why don’t you ever do that?” Or sighing deeply, during that rom-com in hopes he/she picks up on the clue that they should be doing what the main characters are doing? Which by the way, is setting your partner on a seemingly endless, triathlon without a map AND they’re probably feeling so lost and overwhelmed, they may have even given up on trying to ‘get it right’, cause even when they do what you ask, it still is never enough!
Most importantly, once you are on the up and up with what makes your partners heart tick, and they yours, loving each other becomes a much easier task.
AHHHHH yes, please! let’s get back to those days!
