Spring boarding off this article in Bustle last week, where my expert knowledge was used (hurrah!), AND because so many of you, emailed me with your least favorite Dating Advice in response to that article… let’s unpack this topic a bit more, shall we?
Dating advice. Everyone has some to give. Regardless if they have tried said advice, have an experience successfully finding love or even know your first name!
Yeah, I’m looking at you complete stranger at the Starbucks! Did I ask for your opinion on my love life?!?!
I’ve always been way more reliant on experience based knowledge. If you’ve been where I’ve been, AND YOU GOT OUT, show me how it worked for you. However, even experience has its own pitfalls. What works for one person won’t necessarily always work for the next person. But hey, at least it’s been beta tested!
My preferred commentators in life, are people who have personal experience, have the track record helping others and have done the research across the field to back it up.
In the Bustle article, we covered these 3 baddies;
- You got to put yourself ‘out there’.
- Don’t be so picky.
- It will happen, when you least expect it
So let’s crack on and tackle some more of the dating advice WE hate!
Eyyyyye roll, please!!
'Play hard to get'
What dos playing hard to get even mean?
Warning; there is no clear definition of ‘playing hard to get’, which is why so many people totally screw it up. And the laundry list of advice that follows on how to ‘play hard to get’ has you staring at this whole dating thing like an epic game of Jenga, afraid to breathe wrong in case the whole thing comes crashing down! Someone once said to me, well you can’t tell them you’re in love with them right away! Um, Why would I do that?? As if, the only two options are gushing TMI love at first sight OR Jenga level stealthAF!
Be your most EMPOWERED you; 100% authentic, my body my rules, independent, busy ass chica, open-hearted you! Know your own personal boundaries, and don't throw your whole life to the wind, the moment you meet someone new you fancy. There is a whole range of vocals between desperateAF and aloofAF, find where your heart honorably sings best... and SING!
'It’s a numbers game'
No. It’s not.
Ask anyone who’s actually played that numbers game in dating, and they will look up at your bleary eyed from the land of crushing disappointment, completely exhausted. Some of you, have already tried this. I know I have! It’s a little game, I used to like to play, where I joined the newest apps, went on a flurry of dates with practically anyone who asks, then finding myself back peddling into ‘what fresh hell is this(!?)’, followed by throwing all the toys out the pram, taking myself off ALL the apps for much needed ‘a break’... then after a month or two, I’m bacccck!
And, Rinse. Repeat. Rinse. Repeat.
The phrase, ‘QUALITY NOT QUANTITY’ comes to mind here. Big time.
There is no magic number to just how many dates you need to go on per month, it’s whatever is most comfortable and practical for you. If you’ve been playing the NO numbers game… you do need to get out on dates, even if its just for a bit of practice. Unless your postman is single, hot, and looking for commitment… umyeah, its high time you got out of your house girl!
'Wait at least 3 days before contact'
Totally, valid question; who contacts who, and when?
This is a big one. And the one that gives people the most anxiety. I mentioned the '3 day ruIe' however I've heard a whole range of day counts offered up by advice givers, from 1 day to 10 days, to 'the woman should never contact man first'! Yikes!
I always encourage people to be as authentic and direct as they are capable of being. If you really had a great time on the date, they should know you want to see them again before you even part ways. Yes, you heard that right... at the end of the date before you say farewell, have a voice!
You can up-level that by also setting the perimeters for contact right then and there too! "I had a great time and would love to do this again soon. Call/Message me this week and we can sort when is best for both of us". If you're afraid they’re not interested, darlin’ you're going to find out sooner or later anyways. Why not find out right away?? and save yourself the agony of checking your messages every day (or hour)!