Self Care During Crisis Tip #6 - Seek Out The Kindness

I hope you found some time for yourself this Easter Weekend.   As you know, I have been offering up Self Care tips, to help you through this very stressful and scary time in our lives.  Self Care is a small part of what I do, to help those who are single AND those who are in relationships, but it has an important impact.  We cannot expect others to solely responsible for caring for our needs, and those who value self care, have healthier relationships! 


Today, I want to talk about the great act of self care that is shifting your every day focus away from negativity, which will only heighten our anxiety levels, and mindfully FOCUSING towards the kindness out there in the world.

Photo by Slim Emcee (UG) the poet Truth_From_Africa_Photography on Unsplash

It is all too easy right now, to be absolutely overwhelmed by the infection levels, death tolls, politics in the news today.   Too easy to allow our entire perspective to be coloured by the rude people in the line at the shops, the reports of people flouting the lock down,  police harassing people who are just going into work because they have to, our healthcare workers struggling without the proper equipment,  and a social media news feed clogged with complaints, insults and fear.

My self care suggestion today, is to zoom in, and ACTIVELY SEEK OUT THE KINDNESS... the helpers, the good stories, the feeling of the rain on your face, the cherry trees fluttering their pink blossoms outside your window.


The stories of an entire village coming to their front doors to sing Happy Birthday to a man turning 100 years old.  


Of Joe Wicks donating all the proceeds from his 'PE for the Nation' classes to the NHS.


Dolly Parton not only donating loads of money to find a vaccine, but also reading us bedtime stories for free!


People who,though on lock down and struggling to make ends meet, are making masks and scrubs for healthcare workers.


Of neighbors and friends, going out of there way to help on another during this pandemic.

I am not saying to ignore the unsavory reality of what's happening!  I am saying, mindfully spend more time and energy on the good, then on the bad

As I walk down the street taking the dog for a walk, I can choose to stand under the lilac tree, breathing in its sweet fragrant offering AND I can stare at the pile of trash left on the curb that hasn't been picked up for days.

HOWEVER, I NEED RIGHT NOW, to choose to spend more of my time and energy on gently pulling down a low hanging branch of that lilac tree just to really allow it waft all it's glory on me, to notice the blueness of the sky as its glorious backdrop... AND NOT spending way more time and energy complaining about the trash, calling the local authority, calling neighbors to vent etc...

Focus in on the kindness, be the kindness (!) we all need right now, to yourself and others!

Avoid the pitfall of spending way too much time and energy on spiraling down the rabbit hole of doom and gloom, on constantly cycling through transgressions and faults, missteps and villains. 

Make sure you are not only just, balancing it out, but consciously spending MORE time and energy on the good, on SEEKING OUT THE KINDNESS that is out there to be celebrated in spades!

As always, I hope this message inspires you to take care of yourself during this crisis. 

And... I love hearing back from you all on how your are getting on implementing these tips! COMMENT BELOW! :)

Self Care During Crisis Tip #5 - Setting Limits!

I'm back with another Self Care During Crisis Tip, to help see you through this tragic time of pandemic.


This Self Care Tip, is about DOING LESS!  Which, if you have seen the barrage of DO ALL THE THINGS with all your free time posts... you may very well be sighing with relief, right now!



Some of you may indeed have more time on your hands than ever, however it's not always so welcomed because for you, it may be because you have been furloughed, had your hours and salary reduced, lost your job completely, or are seeing your business struggle to make ends meet.


While some of you, may still be working very much full time from home, AND somehow attempting to morph into a teach, as each day the demanding curriculum comes online, and your kids are home all. damn. day. every. day.


We are all worrying about our health, family, friends, jobs, money...



And, for many of you, what little or lots of extra time you do have, thanks to lock down and Covid 19,  anxiety has taken root and given birth to some new coping mechanisms (and not so new ones) that are time sucking their way through our days and nights.   We think these coping mechanisms will ease the anxiety, however we all know, sooner than later, they make us feel even worse, and increase our anxiety.

So, today all me to offer you some guidance in the ninja self care of... SETTING LIMITS!  

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Set limits...

• On Social media!

• Corona virus News!

• Corona Virus conversations!

• Corona virus memes!

• On Television

• On wearing pajamas! 🤭 (oh, yeah I'm going there!)

• On being indoors 24/7!

• On food!

• On all that 'add to cart' online shopping! 

• On how many times you’re allowed to go to the fridge in an hour! 😳

• On days filled with FaceTime calls!

• On Panicking about the future!

• On worry about money!

• On boredom!

• On spending time in the same room as your partner!

• On how long you’re going to swipe away at online dating!

• On how much your kids really REALLY need to learn during this topsy turvy time in our history!

• ON PERFECTIONISM!  That frantic dance of trying to do all the things perfectly, so no one sees how scared you are, and you can feel some sense of control in a out of control situation.

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This ain't your bath bomb self care... THIS IS CARING FOR YOUR MENTAL, PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH! 



All of your personal situations are different during this crisis, and yet we are all experiencing it as a collective whole, at once, together.

You know, darling , what items on the above list, have your name written all over it.  And, you know the ones I haven’t even thought to include.

he ways we try to cope with anxiety, that unfortunately cause harm to ourselves, and in the end, heighten our anxieties.  We need to care for ourselves, more than every right now.  And that may mean doing LESS of some things, in order to accomplish just that.


I've been doing this self care myself, and it's transformed my experience during this tough time.


First up on my own SETTING LIMITS LIST... access to news.   I check in on my phone in the morning and then try my very best to not do so again, till the 5pm daily briefing. 

Next up... Corona Conversations! At first, I need extra talks with family and friends for connection.  However I soon realized, that there were certain friends or family members, I need to limit contact with, cause all the corona conversations were making me quite unwell.

Then, my old nemesis... television.  See, I am a proper TV junkie without a pandemic, so I had to get on that, fast!  Lots o' TV limits for this girl!


I also, had to make sure I got out in the garden or for a walk, every day, rain or shine.   While, of course, social distancing, and using limits, as not to abuse this to be out and about beyond the guidance of the experts.

What do YOU need to set some limits around, right now?

Please know...
Its okay to not be okay! These are unprecedented times, that none of us were prepared for AND none of have been through before, so how are we supposed to be okay or getting it right, all the time?!!? 
It's okay to be sad, afraid, worried, uncertain, angry... let's set some limits on time spent doing those too, before they consume us whole!

As always I hope this message inspires you to take care of yourself during this crisis.

Self Care During Crisis Tip#4 - Gratitude!

Today's Tip for self care during crisis, is one centered in gratitude.

We are all experiencing this pandemic collectively, at once yet each of our experiences will vary.  Some of us are simply working from home, instead of at the office, some are living in lock down, self isolating, temporarily out of work, quarantined or working like crazy in essential services,
REGARDLESS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS... I wanted to take some time to offer whatever help I could. 


I was speaking to a dear friend last week, she is a first year nursing student, and her placement was moved up to work in a hospital for on the job training, due to Covid 19.   On her first day, ever... she witnessed someone die from this virus.  She had never seen anyone die before, let alone on her very first day, overwhelmed in the busy ICU, and it was traumatic.  

Life is short.  No one of us knows the expiration date, even those who are diagnosed with terminal illnesses are given approximations of how much time is left.

Shortly after I hung up with my friend, the UK hung out their windows, came out on their front steps and out on their balconies to cheer for the NHS staff, carers and front line workers.  It was a tearjerker, an overwhelming coming together of giving thanks.

Her story, and this outpouring of support, got me diving deeply into gratitude.

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I'm count myself very fortunate, that I was introduced to the concept of gratitude and gratitude lists in my late teens.  For over 20 years I have experiences the profound impact gratitude can have on my perspective, mental health and well being.

Gratitude does not solve problems, it will not erase the bad things happening.  What gratitude does is right size my thinking and my focus.  It is a strong reminder that, even on the days I feel like the world is going to hell in a handbag, my entire life isn't!

Today, I invite you to utilize gratitude as an act of great care for yourself during these traumatic and unusual times.

It's an easy thing to do, super quick, and change how you are feeling right side round.

Start, end or stop your day and do a gratitude list! 

Call out 10 things you are thankful for, now more than ever. 

I do strongly recommend you do this in writing.  Or open up the notes app on your phone, and type away.

The neuroscience between the connection and internalization of information when we write it down, is well proven.   It also makes us really stop the hamster wheel of thoughts and focus.

Here is my Gratitude List for today, I hope it inspires you to write your own, and as always, feel free to hit the reply button and send it to me.

Today, I am grateful for....

1. My health!

2. My partner's health!

3. My families & friend's health!

4. The internet and divine connection it is giving me to friends, family and clients during this lock down world I now live in.

5. That my partner was freaking out about this pandemic 6 weeks ago and 'made' me go out and buy anti bac gel, wipes and some canned goods.  I was humoring him at the time, trying to ease his anxiety... he was soooooo right!

6. Some downtime to write YOU more emails like this and to finally do the hard graft of putting together an online version of my coaching!

7. My girl gang of singles over at the Feminista Seeks Love fb group, we are holding each other in a very special sacred space right now.

8. We have all the food we need.  So many people are not in that same situation!

9. That no more what life has thrown at me, I have always bounced back.  And no matter what happens next, I know I can do it again!

10. My incredible, solid citizen, husband. He is the calm in the storm!

11. That I did not kill him during his first week of working from home, talking loudly and leaving dishes everywhere, at the desk next to mine. He is truly a keeper!

12. For our little dog Parker, who is the ultimate therapy dog at times like this!

13. That I have the ability and kindness to help out my elderly neighbors.

14. For my fab job, of helping people love and be loved!  What a dream and a gift!

Wow, I blew past 10, right to 14, easy peasy!  And, you can too!



Give it a try, xx

As always I hope this message inspires you to take care of yourself during this crisis. 



And remember, self care also looks like THIS right now!

Photo by Sandie Clarke on Unsplash

Self Care During Crisis Series - Tip #2... OWN TODAY!

So, How's your apocalypse going ?

Tip #2 for the Self Care During Crisis Series, has arrived!  Hurrah!

Whether you are working from home, living in lock down, self isolating, temporarily out of work, quarantined or working like crazy in essential services, REGARDLESS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS... I wanted to take some time to offer whatever help I could. 


This pandemic is scaryAF and has been life changing for all of us.   WE are all in this together! So I have launched this series to contribute some helpful tips to inspire you to take the greatest care of yourself. 

This is NOT a daily challenge!  Life is challenging enough, right now!   This Self Care Series is merely my own random acts of kindness, to let you know, I am here with you; ready to help in any way, large or small, that I can.


Many of us, have wayyyy more time on our hands than we did, this time two weeks ago.  And what so many of people have said to me, via email and online, is how fearful they are of being isolated home and disconnected from family, friends and life.   Prolonged cabin fever, is freaking many of non high risk folks, more than the Coronavirus does!

Photo by Nijwam Swargiary on Unsplash

I don't know about you, but I was out of decent TV by day three...

And although the idea of Netflixing ourselves into a coma, can seem like self care, in reality it's s a very short term fix, to a long term problem.

Disconnection, boredom, lack of movement, disruption to our normal routines and rituals, the feeling of being trapped in our own homes can lead to lethargy at best, and depression at worst.

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However here's the thing... alternating between mainlining box sets and scrolling through social media, whilst staring longingly out the window is NOT your only option!

What if we really set some intentions around HOW we can use this unexpected downtime?  

It may just be your normal commute to work time of 30-60 minutes that is no longer part of your daily routine!  Or it may be a whole lot more free time, than you have experienced in years!


See, I've been thinking a lot about this too.  How can I use this time productively, so I do not fall into the downward spiral of doom, gloom and out right cabin fever?!?!


Well, let's explore that for today's top Self Care During Crisis tip, shall we?

What intentional, nourishing, nurturing activities can you engage in during this time of isolation and social distancing?  Not a TO DO list, think of it as a TO NOURISH list!

What are some things, you have always wanted to do, but just never seemed to have any time for? 

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Yoga?  Knitting?  Painting? Learning a new language? Meditation? Refinish that dining room table? Paint some walls?  Finally design and plant up your garden? Map out that business you always dreamed of starting?  Design that website for your own blog? Read some books, simply for the pleasure of it?  Catch up on some fab podcasts?  Go for a run?  Tinker with the project that's been collecting dust in the garage? Pull out the sewing machine and make some drapes? Learn how to sew?!?!

Pull out a notebook and pen, my darling... and start setting some nurturing intentions for your very own 'TO NOURISH' list!




Here's my very own Self Care in Crisis 'TO NOURISH' list...

- Learn Italian!  Always wanted to, have been talking about it for years... never could find the time.

- FINALLY get my online Dating Coaching program created!  I have been dreaming about, promising women all over town, that I would create an online version of my coaching, however it is a massive amount of up front work... creating presentations, recording videos for 18 modules!  Well, I've already started last week, and I'm on Module 4 already. Hurrah!

- Improve my yoga practice!

- Read Becoming by Michelle Obama.  I have been picking it up and putting it down for over a year... now I am going to grab a lawn chair, sit in the garden and finish it! 

- Learn to play guitar!  Santa was kind enough to bring me one for Christmas, however, I have not made the time to really dedicate to learning... NOW I CAN! 

Photo by Emma Matthews Digital Content Productionvia unsplash

I am not trying to be cavalier about this global pandemic! 

People are ill, and dying. All of us are facing uncertainty, worrying daily and missing family and friends.  I am simply guiding you towards any damn silver lining we can find, right now.  And, hoping to assist you in living each day, to its fullest (now more than ever) and to take the greatest care of yourself during this tragic time, where anxiety, depression and fear are following us around, looking for an in.



What is on your personal 'to nurture' list?   Comment below and tell me all about it!

Self Care During Crisis Tip#1- How Your Relationship Survives A Pandemic

So, it probably FEELS LIKE day 3,046 of working at home with your partner, right now.  , I get it.  The Hubba Hubba has been working from home since last Friday, and has completely taken over the office, and taken with him, some of sanity and what feels like, all my precious alone time! 


Most of us have our own little worlds, away from our partners.  We have long stretches of time, socializing with colleagues, clients and intense work that requires focus. Or we have the super busy full time job of parenting, and not only is our partner all up in our biz right now, THE SCHOOLS ARE CLOSED??!?!   Lawwwwwd, what fresh hell is this?!  

Suddenly over night, day to day life as we know it has dramatically changed.  And not just in the oh, we share an office now, kinda way... but swirling around out there in the world is a news feed tornado of germs, politics, death tolls, worrying about older family members, empty store shelves, anger, fear, anxiety, denial, misinformation...and for some of us, leaving to go work in the park or at the coffee shop is not even an option, in this post lock down existence!

I overheard a divorce lawyer saying last week, his business would be booming when all the dust settles and the virus clears the air...  YIKES!

Um, yeah.  So here I am, inboxing you with the first of many self care tips for you, and your relationship!


This tip right here, has been my very own mantra this past 10 days... it has helped keep me centered, calm and present for myself and those I love... on most days.  (Um...I may or may not have fake coughed at the person who was breathing down my neck in line yesterday, while I was giving the person in front of me 6 feet of social distance...)  Ommmmmmmmm  :)

Today, I offer this #1 tip, my mantra, up on the altar of self care during crisis!

BE KIND & QUICK TO FORGIVE YOURSELF AND OTHERS, NOW MORE THAN EVER!

Never before, have we needed to extend all the kindness and forgiveness to ourselves and others, than right here, right now. 



The most natural human response to such a threatening, uncertain time like we are living through right now... is FEAR, ANXIETY and DENIAL.

And, for those three gremlins to come out sideways as anger, outrage and toxic positivity.

This pandemic is scary. Full stop!  


Maybe you are the one with the short fuse... OR out there refusing to social distance because then, it feels too real... OR snapping at the ones you love... OR panic buying because it makes you feel in control during such a vulnerable, powerless situation.  

Maybe you are the one getting angry and resentful watching others do the above!


Either way, shaming ourselves or others... standing on the mountain top of self righteousness, and generally beating ourselves and our partners up right now?  None of those things, are clinically proven to stop the spread and symptoms of Covid 19.

They are not serving you, dearest one. 

Right now, more than ever, we need to extend kindness to ourselves and others and be really REALLY quick to forgive. 

Image Credit: Priscilla Du Prez via Unsplash

We are truly living in unusual times, and the way people respond and our own behaviors are coming from a primal place of fear. 

Seek out ways today you can greet yourself and others with kind words and actions.

Grab onto forgiveness with both hands, when you or others fall short.

The only way through this, is together! 


Stay tuned, as I will be posting more tips for self care during this tumultuous time.

State of the Union; A Top Relationship Skill

NO. This is NOT another email about politics! Whew!

This is an email about a crucial relationship tool that every thriving couple needs in their repertoire.

This is the exact time of year, where between the manic chaos that can be the holiday season, we have that pervading need to reflect. The whole ‘new year, new you’ bonanza is almost upon us, and before we can look forward, its natural to look back on our year.

Photo by John O'Nolan on Unsplash

One of the tools I teach couples to incorporate at least annually, if not semi-annually is the skill of having open conversations about where they are at, where they want to go, and what is and is not working in their relationships, and in their lives.

If you can’t come together, and have these sometimes hard but wonderfully productive chats with our partners… free of judgement, free of blow back… then you will miss out on a the life transforming aspect of partnership. See, ‘we are gathered here today, to get through this thing called life’ (thanks PRINCE!) and if we are not in relationships, that are true partnerships, where we can have a free flow exchange of ideas and support, then what is the point of it all?

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When is the last time you asked your partner what they were happy about in their lives? What they wanted to see change?

Notice, I DID NOT even go there on the relationship yet?!? We are not here to just check in on the relationship, but also check in on the person who means so very much to us in this world. To express concern and also to offer care, if needed.

Today, I wanted to provide you with an super beginners, easy template to get your very own ‘State of The Union’ talk going.

Cause’ darling, SURVIVING is not enough… I want you two to THRIVE!

Photo by John O'Nolan on Unsplash

Remember, this is a two way street. You BOTH need to answer these questions.

It may be an impromptu conversation, however, often a bit of warning works best. Give each other time to think about these questions, before you meet to have this chat.

First, outline some ground rules. This isn’t a ‘WE NEED TO TALK’ doom and gloom exercise. This isn’t an opportunity to argue or to defend your corner. This is about a safe space, where we can open up, get honest, and take great care of one another! Think of this as a general health check up at the doctors.

Ready? Here we go!

Part one: Health check on your partner’s overall happiness.

• What went really well for you, in your life, this year?

• Is there any part of your life, you are not happy with? What would you like to see happen differently?

• What can I do to help?



Part Two: Health check on your relationship together

• How are WE doing?

• Is there anything you think needs to change or improve in our relationship?

• Have I done anything to hurt you or cause you worry?

• What can I do to be a better partner for you?

• When we have this conversation, this time next year, what NEEDS to change between us? And what NEEDS to stay the same?

• Would it be easier if we had outside help to accomplish these relationship goals?

Super basic, right? Notice, this isn’t a bitch fest. This isn’t just focusing on the bad, but also and starting with, what is going well.

Try not to cherry pick this list too much. There is a method to this madness. Starting in a positive place, and starting on you as individuals, is by design. A very evolved expert design, dearest one!

I would LOVE to hear back from you, how our conversations went! Drop me a comment below.

And if you feel that some outside help, some education in relationships skills, is what is needed… I’m here for you.


Already my client diary is getting booked up and busy with new clients who want to start 2020 off in a new, healthier and thriving direction. I invite you to be one of them.

Book in your FREE 45 minute Breakthrough to Love call below.

How do we avoid the common pitfalls of a transformative event or experience?

Wow, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve blogged! I have not forgotten you, but my gosh, It’s been a busy few weeks, with a load of fabulous new clients coming onboard and a retreat, to boot!

That’s right, a couple of weeks ago, I had the great honor and privilege of facilitating a Phoenix Rising Relationships Retreat for 50 amazing women. As with any event, there is usually some time for me to retrospectively process the weekend, the content and the results as attendees share what it has been like for them, post retreat. To see what successes and pitfalls, the folks who attended, have in the aftermath of such a powerful weekend.

Phoenix Rising Retreats; RISE 1 RELATIONSHIPS Oct 2019

Today, I want to talk to you all, regardless if you were on the retreat or not, about two of the most common and fatal of pitfalls after having an incredible learning experience about ourselves and relationships…

Up first, THE GREAT DUMP.

This is where we come home, high on all we have learned, ready to take on the world and completely transform and heal our relationships. Buzzing through the front door, grabbing our partners in a firm grip, and dumping ALLLLLLLL the things we learned AND ALLLLLLL the things that need to change, and emphatically stating what THEY NEED TO DO, RIGHT NOW!!!!

My co-facilitator put it quite eloquently during the Sunday wrap up… “Remember your partner did NOT come to the retreat! They did not have this experience!”

Oh, how easy it is to forget that little fact.

I use the analogy of the game of tennis. You and your partner are two players, on opposite sides of the court, who have been volleying the ball, back and forth, to and fro, the same way for a long time. The retreat attendees, do home, and change their footing, some for the first time, in a long while. They start whizzing the ball in a completely new direction. Which is great!! However, your partner is still frozen in their same position. The first, and maybe even, the first few times, you wing the ball onto the other side of the court, they will more than likely, miss the point.

If we expect our whole relationship to change within a week of us having a learning bomb dropped on us, like at a retreat, we are setting ourselves up for some serious disappointment. And, because we are so high on what we have learned, the crash down to earth in that disappointment can feel B R U T A L .

We can end up feeling even more alone and more hopeless about our relationship, then before.

Second biggest pitfall… LITTLE TO NO FOLLOW UP.

When we have these lightning bolt epiphanies, it can galvanize us into action, like never before! However, if we do not commit to, and follow up with consistent effort afterwards, that transformation, doesn’t stand a chance of truly taking root.

One of the aspects of coaching I love, is the aspect I need the most in my own life… someone to help me stay accountable. See, I can tumble off a good transformation wagon, quick. Just as quick and fervently as when I hopped on. At the end of the retreat weekend, we all committed to five great acts of self-love to incorporate into our own lives. Sadly, I know all too well, that many will not keep it up long enough to create a new habit of care and love for themselves, where it is most needed.

And others, will. And in doing so, shine so brightly into the new year, we will revel in their light.

So, whether it was a blog, book, retreat or even one of my free masterclasses you attended that cracked you wide open to the possibility of transforming your relationship and love life… I wanted to share this information with you, these too common pitfalls, and encourage you to clamber back onto that wagon, dearest one!



And if you, like me, need a team mate to keep you accountable… AND you are truly ready to learn the HOW of relationships, dating and love… we should definitely chat.