If you are out there in the wilds of dating, and especially if you are ramping up the tempo of your online dating, mastering the art form that is getting out of a bad date, and doing it fast, is imperative.
There are more reasons for a date to go bad, then there are stars in the night sky.
- Is rude to everyone that comes within a 1 mile radius of your table.
- Is flirting with the waitress.
- Won’t let you get a word in edgewise.
- Is overpowering you with the aroma of body odor and whiskey.
- Monotone story telling of the ins and out of their job as a paint peeler has you contemplating sticking a fork in your eye.
- Shows up for a 2pm museum date still fall down drunk and in their clothes from the night before.
- Doesn’t even remotely look like their profile pic (seriously, whose picture did they steal for that???)
- Drops racial slurs like they just graduated the Third Reich SS boarding school
- OR there is simply no spark whatsoever
First things first, you do NOT have to waste hours of your day being polite.
You do NOT have to tough it out and you DO not have to volunteer yourself as a hostage.
YOU. CAN. LEAVE!
I know. Crazy talk, right?
In my days of dating like a boss, learning how to nicely and firmly end a date before PTSD therapy was required, became a necessary survival skill. AND, when done right, it’s the kindest mercy for everyone involved.
NO ONE should have to waste their time on a bad date, including the hopeful yet, smelly, talkative, drunk ass person across from you, on it.
Here are the top 4 methods to legging it out of a bad date, fast!
WONDER WOMAN TO THE RESCUE…
Most of us know the old reliable ‘get out of jail’ method. You have a friend scheduled to call 20-30 minutes’ max into the date with a wild story about how they lost the keys to their house and you? YOU are the only person in the country who has the spare set AND must leave that very minute to meet your friend across town. (
Generally speaking for safety reasons, its always a good thing to have a friend check in via text shortly into the date starting… in case your date is drinking a find Chianti over a plate of Fava beans!)
LIFE'S AN OPEN ROAD…
When setting up the date, why not suggest ‘let’s start’ with a coffee or a walk in the park, or drinks etc.. with the caveat that you can see where the night takes you?
Most people like the spontaneity that this suggests but also they too know that this open-ended option allows breathing room to end the date for both of you. Suggest an activity that takes no more than 30-60 minutes, long enough for you to get to know them a bit, yet short enough to cut your losses and still join your friends after for some fun, If the date’s a non-starter.
SET THE CAT AMONGST THE PIGEONS...
Another way of setting the stage for possible escape, is to set the date amongst the pigeons.
Let your date know, whilst you really want to meet up… you have a dinner that evening for a friend’s birthday, would they like to meet before for drinks around 7? Or, for that walk in the park at noon, you have career defining deadline at work on Monday and loads of prep to do, but an hour walking with them would be just the break you need .
This method does a few things well. It shows you are keen to see them, to squeeze them in. It shows you have a life, priorities, friends, and ambition.
And if the date it going really well? Set up for date number two right away! That cat will be just as keen to see you again, but this time for longer.
The Saturday afternoon I met my now husband for 20-30 minute coffee… it was a ‘drive by’ as I headed uptown from a lunch date to an evening out with friends. We were out again later that very same week for a proper dinner and aimlessly wandering of the Upper East Side finding excuses to keep talking, that lasted over 5 hours…
I’M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU…
Empowerment is about finding our voice and living a life of integrity.
Honesty is always the best policy HOWEVER honesty without compassion, is brutality. The first time I tried this, I was shocked how well it went. It also was a huge booster to my self esteem. Learning how to lay down boundaries will do that.
I literally just waited till a break in the convo (which wasn’t hard, as the convo was painfully stilted!) and said “Hey, I don’t want to waste your time, you seem like a really nice guy, but I am just not feeling any real connection or spark here, wanna call it a night?” The guy exhaled, laughed and agreed. He was being polite by staying!
And yes, there was a bit of blubbering tears one time from another date when I suggested we tap each other out of this round. I stayed firm and kind but still got the hell out of there!
We are not going ANYONE any favors by staying past the expiration date!
I RIDE ALONE, BABY…
Finally. Never, EVER let them or you do the pick up service on date one.
Make your own way to the first date is, so you can make your own way out of there at the time that suits you! If they have some elaborate romantic first date plan that involves driving out into the countryside, circle back to ‘Life’s An Open Road’ and ‘Set the Cat Amongst the Pigeons’ right away lady!
This last method is also a ‘safety first’ consideration.
What’s your tried and true method of legging it out of a bad date? Give us all the dirt in the comments here!