“I can’t just walk up to people and start chatting them up, I get all flustered and tongue tied!”
“I don’t know how to talk to people I fancy.”
“The moment I know they’re interested, I run in the other direction.”
"I don’t know what to say or where to even begin.”
Sound familiar?
You’re not alone. It’s one of the more common problems clients come to me for help.
Is it low confidence? Poor self-esteem? OR just old fashioned lack of charisma?
ALL THE ABOVE, DOLL.
Want TWO quick tools, you can start using today, that nails all three???
Who wouldn’t, right?
Charisma is how people are drawn to engage with others. It is not about being the loudest cheekiest person in the room. Charisma is not an arena only for the extroverted! Introverts as well, can attract others to them, like bees to honey, too!
Confidence is our outward bravery. It’s what we show the rest of the world. Being brave enough to take up that bit more space in a room and to be unafraid to shine brighter. It’s temporary, but don’t let that word freak you out, temporary is what confidence does best, it just means it has an expiration date.
Self Esteem, is our inward bravery. What we know to be the truth about ourselves, our value, as measured by us and no one else. It must come from within. Ya’ know when your friends tell you how great you look, but you don’t believe that to be true, your self-esteem buckles and you give them an eye roll or even feel a sense of shame flush your cheeks in response to the compliments? Yeah. Self-esteem must come from within. And the expiration date of our confidence is directly linked to our sense of self-worth.
Discover and immerse yourself into your passions and things you love.
1. Charisma: When we are immersed in our passions, hobbies, etc. we are filled with excitement and conviction AND when we talk about what makes us happy, it innately will people will feel good in response. Everyone loves to be around people who make them feel good. It’s contagious!
2. Confidence: We don’t want to cultivate faux confidence or fool hearty bravery, we want to be standing tall in our space. The more often we are talking about and doing things we genuinely love, our confidence to engage with others in conversation about it, or even invite them along for the ride, soars!
3. Self Esteem: We build self-worth by doing worthy things in this life. That is not limited to epic Malala Yousafzai world changing level things; every time we take action to make our lives more bountiful, more fulfilling, and offer contribution we add to our own inner bravery and self worth. Not only do we feel confident enough to chat about what we are in to with others, we KNOW we have all the proof, actions, and lifestyle to back it up!
Feel excited when you meet someone.
1. Charisma: Walk into every date, energized with a high level of excitement. EX. Take a few moments and call on a time you were super excited about. Your first plane ride? The day your niece was born? That moment the call came in that you got the big job? Step into that moment and channel that excitement… then when you greet them, let that excitement show. If you are happy when you meet someone, they will also feel happy. Who doesn’t want to engage with someone who is genuinely overflowing with excitement to be there AND meet them.
2. Confidence: What better way to boost our confidence then to recall the factual evidence of other successes and exciting times in our lives? Confidence isn’t only shown verbally. Our body language is the difference between walking into a room like we own it AND wall flowering sheepishly through the front door. Conjuring up this confidence by using a prompt from moments we felt joy, transforms our body language.
3. Self Esteem: GRATITUDE! GRATITUDE! GRATITUDE! That’s me, banging my gratitude drum. People who actively curate an attitude of gratitude feed their self-worth feasts o’ plenty. Every example I gave above of ‘moments’ to remember, are also moments of gratitude. Every time we utilize gratitude, we build self-esteem.
Take these bad boys on a test drive! I always love to hear how you get on with applying these two tips into your life and taking the big step to connection!
