Time for part two of the Why You Can’t Get Past The First Date; Love letter.
Last week I wrote to you about scenario one, The date one goes really well, and then POOF! the person disappears, or you get the dreaded follow up message ‘sorry, I just didn’t feel a connection.’ and if you missed it, check it out here.
This week we address…
SCENARIO 2: After much promising messaging, date one does NOT live up to expectations, and you find yourself on the first date merry go round, without ever meeting people they want to go on a second date with. Not getting out on dates sucks but, wow a seemingly endless cycle of DUD dates, can actually be worse.
The dreaded, dud date. The ‘will I EVER meet anyone I connect with’ hopeless cycle of dud dates. Seriously, it can be soul crushing. But why does this keep happening? Is it a case of, all the good ones are taken, strikes again?
I can guarantee you, its NOT true that all the good ones are taken, and there ARE some great people out there you can truly connect with on a deep level.
The problem is, you don’t really and specifically know what you are looking for AND you are not calling those people to you through your online dating profile, messages or actions in the real face to face world.
I know that might sound harsh, but real talk is what you are always going to get from me , dearest one.
In the first few sessions I spend with my private clients, I help them to understand the dynamics of meeting the right people, and faciliate these clients getting really clear on what they are looking for in a partner and relationship. We always start with the WHO. Who they are, and who they want AND need in order to thrive. We wave a whole hearted goodbye to generic descriptors like.. KIND, FUNNY, GENEROUS, SMART, etc.. and drill down to what these words really mean to them AND what someone who truly fits thier definiation of these traits looks, sounds and acts like so we can recognise them.
And we don’t stop there! We work on updating thier dating profiles to call the right ones in, and repel the wrong ones far far away. I always say, the love is in the details, and we use all the detail we reveal in our coaching sessions about the who, what and why of thier desires and needs to weed out the duds, before we ever waste a single moment of thier prescious time getting out on that first date with a dud, and start getting out on first, second and third dates with people who have real potentional for connection and love.
Here is the just one of the questions, I ask these clients, that I want to offer up to you today so you can start getting some real clarity on what you are looking for, so you can start to fine tune your search.
Write a list of all the character and physical traits you want in a partner, AKA the funny, emotionally intelligent, and yes, even the tall or fit descriptors we use… and THEN, go back and define what each one means to you. Like, you are writing your very own dictionary, describe that “funny” means to you.
Here’s the thing, NO TWO CLIENTS EVER HAVE THE SAME EXACT DEFINITION! And neither will you, my dear.