Gather round as we make sacrifices at alter of the Queen Bey this week and chat a bit about protecting ourselves whilst out in the wilds of modern dating.
Self-protection is one of your brain's most primary purposes. Right behind, keeping all your organs functioning. The ability to learn, adapt, create and change our environments is what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom on this planet. However there are two sides of that brilliant brain of yours, dearest one. Which one is ruling?
There is a logical side of our brain and an emotional one. Both are vital and yet they tend to respond to threats quite differently.
Logical brain, says ‘Right, touching that stove when it’s on burned my human, we shouldn’t touch it when its hot again. The emotional brain says ‘OMFG that stove is evil, you know what? This whole kitchen is dangerous, heck this whole house is trying to kill me, I am NEVER EVER going in there AGAIN!!!’
Yeah. Emotional brain is a RuPaul Drag Race level drama queen, and...
And if you think her response to your hand getting burned by the stove is OTT, you obviously never had your heart broken, cause that is when emotional brain loses her whole damn mind!
Logical brain institutes boundaries to safeguard against reasonable and obvious dangers
Emotional brain builds walls. And moats. And minefields. Ensuring no one EVER gets close enough to cause harm, EVER.
I remember the day I realized that my own carefully constructed fortress, was actually a prison.
That behind those high walls, the barb wire, the minefields, I was slowly suffocating in the darkness of my own loneliness, and that not only could no one get in… girl, I was locked up so tightly inside of that prison, I couldn’t get out, even if I wanted to.
And I wanted to! I was telling myself all the time, I was ready for love, I wanted to meet someone amazing, and I wanted companionship and yet, my actions were keeping me hostage in that prison, isolated from real human connection.
I’m not saying you need to throw open all the doors and let any Tom, Dick or Jane waltz on in.
By all means, check ID’s at the door, at the very least. However, if you think building your walls up high is keeping you safe, that if someone REALLY wanted to get to know you they would take the time to pry, brick by brick each of those walls down, then you are literally taking the key to human connection, and even your happiness and throwing it in the moat, never to be found.
Without vulnerability, no one can even get close enough to see how worthy of the good fight you really are, darling. And you are. Worthy. A shimmering prize!