Last week I was in the kitchen and burned myself on the stove. Typically when I do this, I yell out and give that stove my most accusatory look. YOU BASTARD! I say, to the stove.
In part, there is SOME truth to that. IT (the stove) was hot, and if it wasn't there and it wasn't hot, I wouldn't have burned myself. It's a very human response to point the finger at what caused the physical pain! At first.
Of course, the stove did not leap across the kitchen and burn me. And, I knew it was hot. I knew it had the potential to burn. Maybe I got careless with my own safety. Maybe I got so caught up in what I was doing, I was moving so fast, I just didn't see how close I was to the stove? Maybe I’m a sadist who secretly loves a good burn??
In the end, the WHAT happened is worth a bit of thought. The WHY, is worth a whole lot more. And the HOW I can avoid that in the future, is most important. How do I learn from this experience and MOVE FORWARD in a way, that lowers my chances of repeating the same mistake, expecting different results?
The scar from the burn alone, it serves as a reminder. But it will fade. I will forget.
I could just decide to let the fear of being burned, stop me from using the stove. Heck, I could just avoid the kitchen altogether! Back to hell Satan kitchen, BACK. TO. HELL!
No. THAT can't be right. That can't possibly be the solution!
THAT'S, kinda crazy pants!
Ahem. Lady? Do I need to drag this metaphor out longer?????
We need to take the time to turn that wounds of loving, into some real wisdom. There is no place for irrational fear in wisdom. Healthy fear? yes. NEVER GOING INTO A KITCHEN AGAIN fear? ummmm NOPE!
A large part of the coaching work I do with women is turning these wounds over, and curating wisdom from them. Shortening the learning curve, but not eliminating it. Cause wisdom comes from the journey and from the wounds of falling flat on our heart.
In my 4 month signature FOREVER LOVE program, we spend the bulk of our time together discovering our Core Values, defining what has NOT worked for us in the past in our relationships. We get some real time clarity on how our childhood experiences have shaped the way we move, in the arena of love, and how to challenge and re-write the narrative inside our heads, that is dictating our actions in our everyday lives.
Without this deep work, all the confidence and self esteem tools in the world, couldn’t take root and grow. AND, we will be doomed to repeat a past, that has not served us.
After all that, the bravely fierce clients still need to ‘take the show on the road’ and get some practical application time. Even with a boss Love Coach, like me, the learning curve still exists, we just shorten the overall arc by years! YEARS!!!