Happy New Year!
What’s been on my mind? Well, how can I factor Star Wars into a blog about relationships? Of course!
Don’t worry, I won’t clog the content with metaphor. I will allow the art form that is the GIF, do most of the heavy Star Wars lifting. Also, there will be no Last Jedi SPOILERS in this edition of the Love Letters, though, come on now, you really haven’t seen it yet?? Hellllllo!??!?!
So yeah, another year and another epic Star Wars movie have just left us… AND THIS TIME, you had someone to cuddle up with at the movie theater to watch it with, WOOT!
That’s right, watch out world… against all odds of the Empire, you swiped your way to love. OR at least, what appears to be an almost unicorn like person, in what has been a Tatooine desert of ghosts, duds, jerks and just soooo not right for you, people.
So there you are, watching the rebellion give rise to great hope… and whilst you are genuinely trying to enjoy every moment of it, you’re kinda’ freaking out! A pervading voice from the dark side, keeps urgently whispering in your ear…”Don’t F@ck this up!!!!’
I get this particular brand of SOS call at least a few times a month from both men and women. People who are just starting out in relationships and overwhelmed with the fear that they’re going to f@ck it up. That, just one small misstep will bring the dominoes of their new burgeoning love, toppling into a million broken pieces on the floor.
The good news? Most of that is just scarcity. The fear that you are not enough to deserve this wonderful new love. And some of it is completely learn-able techniques, you simply, were never taught.
The Bad news? That scarcity is crawling all over you. It’s got you like WHOA, and if you are feeding those scarcity gremlins after midnight… you will indeed participate in the demise of this new relationship.
Can you break a new thing in two? YES. You absolutely can. Will it be one tiny misstep that unravels the whole thing? NO!
Human engagement and connection (AKA Relationships) are way more multi-faceted than one little aspect, toppling it.
Here are my top three tips on what challenges can make or break a new relationship in its first toddling year.
1. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
For some reason, we all think we should be relationship experts, that there is no margin for error for ourselves and our new partners. When in reality, there is no formal structure for learning about relationship skills. There is No Relationships 101 course in University, and for many of us #notallofus, we didn't have very good teachers at home, either.
We experience shame when we make communication errors and or have the expectation that we are supposed to 'get it right' every time. A relationship mind-set recipe for disappointment and disaster.
If you hear yourself saying to yourself, your partner and any friend who will listen “They should just KNOW how” or “How can I be 30something (or 40something) and NOT know how to do relationships?!?”, I invite you now, to take a deep breath and welcome the compassion I am offering.
WE ALL MISSED THAT CLASS IN SCHOOL BECAUSE IT DOESN’T EXIST!
2. HEALTHY AND INSTRUCTIVE BOUNDARIES:
How we start is how we will go on.
Many people, especially women, try to make themselves so accommodating and easy to be with at the start of a relationship because of fear based scarcity. If we do not show people from the very start how we need to be cared for and loved, we are not providing our partner and our relationship the authentic rich soil to thrive.
Good people inherently treat us, as we instruct them to. And being clear about that early on, creates a framework for you both to succeed + stops the nostalgic "she/he was so different when we first got together' battle cry, that can really kill a relationship down the road.
3. COMMUNICATION. COMMUNICATION. COMMUNICATION!
It's so important, I had to type it three times!
Learning techniques to communicate our needs clearly and in a positive manner that the other party can understand is an integral part to any relationships success. My clients are blown away at how, when they change the way they communicate their desires and needs, how differently AND abundantly their partners respond!
All of us come with an instruction manual inside of us. Finding it for ourselves and showing others with compassionate love, how to use that manual is a great act of love, towards ourselves and towards our partners.
Are you freaking out, worried that your lack of experience and knowledge on how to be in a happy, healthy relationship might just blow up your chances at love?
My ‘NEW LOVE’ programs are uniquely designed to offer YOU the tools and techniques for you to start CONFIDENTLY down the road to forever love. As an individual and/or as a couple! Let’s start out 2018 as you mean to carry on.
Book in your FREE 45 minute Breakthrough To Love Call, so you can get the clarity neeeded to create a tangible strategy to learn the skills to keep YOU and your new relationship THRIVING!
Looking forward to sending you more LOVE LETTERS in 2018 and helping YOU find and keep the LOVE YOU DESERVE! xx