You present such fierce confidence at work, with friends, your take charge wonder woman attitude smashes most everyday challenges with such ease and yet… when it comes to the world of love and dating, that inner rock star has gone MIA.
And, I know it’s been savage out there in the dating world lately. You’ve gone on a zillion 1st dates or maybe haven’t even made it past the online dating message phase to get out on a date. And with each miss, your confidence plummets a few steps further down a black hole.
I hear it all day long, ‘confidence’ is the top item on almost every woman’s TO DO list, when it comes to finding and attracting love.
Confidence is our outer bravery. It’s how we translate the way we feel about ourselves on the inside to those around us, how we show our self-worth on our sleeve. Unlike self-worth, we can put on confidence like an off the rack dress, fairly easy, TEMPORARILY. And temporary is okay. Temporary is what confidence does best. It just means confidence has an expiration date. That expiration date, is triggered by our real time self-esteem.
The more self esteem (or self worth) we have on the inside, the brighter and longer our confidence shines on the outside. Think of self worth as the fuel we add to the fire we burn whenever we meet someone new. Building up higher self worth, is absolutely possible, and a HUGE part of the work I do with my private clients, but it takes time, practice and some hard graft. Today, we are going to zoom in and focus on CONFIDENCE.
We can indeed turn up the volume on our confidence, at will, even before we deep dive into up leveling our self esteem.
The following is a very short, and very sweet TWO STEP technique that you can start using today, in the very moments you pick up your phone to swipe away AND when you head out to that first date.
The Confidence Mantra
STEP ONE: THE END GAME
Take a few minutes here to think about what is the best-case scenario of this interaction, whether that be in person on a date, heading out to a group outing or event where you could meet someone OR simply clicking on your online dating app.
*WARNING* The correct answer to this is NOT “Meet the love of my life/future partner/the one/soulmate!!! Ease off that pressure valve, dearest one!
When I say best case scenario for this date/message/event, what I mean is HOW CAN THE NEXT 5 MINUTES, 10 MINUTES or even THE NEXT FEW HOURS go really REALLY well? What would be a fantastic first date? What would it sound like? Look like? Smell like?
Maybe, that ideal first date for you, would look like…
We have a good time, laugh hard, eat some amazing food and the conversation flows nice and easy. There is a spark and the date ends with us both thinking and saying, we want to see each other again.
Notice, it was not focused on what the other person was going to be, but instead on the time you were going to create with each other? Focus on what #winning would like for this one interaction.
Also, there was no ‘love at first sight’ crazy talk. We need to keep it real AND yet still positive & gorgeous.
We do not want to walk in with super low expectations either like…
I hope he/she has a pulse. I hope I don’t want to stick them in the eye with my fork halfway through our meal…
Yup, I’ve been on those dates too, lady!
So now, let's phrase up this first step…
“We are going to laugh hard, have some yummy food, flowing convo and at the end, both of us can’t wait to see each other again!”
STEP TWO; Show up in your Sunday best.
We want to show up, positively shining! Whether that be on a date, via a message sent online or at a local meetup. We have so much to offer that special someone, so very much to contribute to a real loving relationship. Tell me what you’re working with mama!
I want you to take a few minutes here to think of THREE things YOU are bringing to the table on this interaction.
It can be ANYTHING… your special brand of witty humor, your Star Wars nerd extraordinaire status, your incredibly kind listening skills, Open heart, Great laugh, Fierce intellect, Adulting like a boss, Thirst for adventure, Sharp political wit, your business saavy #bossgirl heat, and yes, even those damn fine legs you worked hard to get!
ANY THREE THINGS YOU KNOW you have to offer.
Once you have them, let’s construct the second part of that confidence mantra so it sounds something like this…
“I am going to let THING 1, THING 2 and THING 3 shine bright tonight! I will let them lead me like a beacon into a FAB night/date/message/event, with this person! "
Now… tweak that shit. Make it your own. Your own words, your own tone.
Either type it up as a note in your phone or a personal voice memo, that so you can play back whenever you need it, cause mantras are all in the repeat! And we shall need to, REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT as often as it takes to call up the light forces of our confidence!
My private clients LOVE this one, so brave up my lovely, try this technique out and let me know how you get on! Not only will you feel better about you, confidence is a killer at attracting others to us, like bees! Get buzzing!
And remember the wise words of Marianne Williamson as you two step your way through creating and using this mantra, my dear! xx