This week, I wanted to dole out a top dating tip that has helped alot of my private clients create real, lasting connection.

TOP DATING TIP: DON’T OVERSHARE ON THE FIRST FEW DATES!

In this modern age, where so much of our personal life is out there on social media with the click of the post button, and where we are also chatting with a stranger online one minute and out on a date with them the next, it seems like the faster we go, the better it may be. .. but you simply can’t hotwire intimacy like that.

Genuine connection and Intimacy takes time, and should be a slower paced, reciprocal process. Oversharing may make us feel more connected in the moment, due to the heightened vulnerability we feel however its more likely to repel people than attract them. There are many terms for it, but my favourite is one Brene Brown calls, flood lighting. Floodlights are powerful almost blinding lights that will instinctually cause someone to shade their eyes, and back away from the source. And sharing our deepest hopes and dreams and/or darkest secrets or traumas, early on in the dating process has the same effect.

Dating is all about getting to know someone, over the course of many dates. Its why its called ‘DATING’ and not ‘DATE’. Connection works best as a beautiful unveiling of authentic layer by authentic layer. We do want to discover commonality and create mutual connection that has a positive association as soon as possible however that should start in a more light hearted playful way, like shared music interests, sense of humour, hobbies and passions, NOT shared childhood trauma, history of sexual escapades, or that we know we want exactly 2.5 children and a house by the seaside by age 40. Lets leave all that till the person we have been dating for a few months has proven they are worthy of hearing and holding our innermost hopes and fears.