We’re standing at a crossroads. Red light. Green Light.
We can stay, or we can go.
No matter how many times we have turned this decision over in our mind, we remain stuck, fearful and confused.
One moment, every fiber in our body says ‘GET OUT’!!
The next moment, we never want to leave.
This one foot in, one foot out mindset and state of confusion, can cause the relationship to break down entirely. And the harm, the traffic buildup, can damage the entire city we live in.
And when we find ourselves stuck at that crossroads, staring desperately up at the traffic light, too paralyzed to move, it’s the obsessive questioning that is plaguing our will to love and love.
- How long can I live like this?
- Does he/she love me anymore?
- What will happen if I leave?
- Will I ever meet someone again?
- How did we get here?
- Can we get back to a better place?
- Am I wasting the best years of my life?
- What will my family say?
- What will people think of me?
- How will this affect the children?
- Why won’t he/she listen to me?
- Did I choose the wrong person?
- What’s wrong with me?
- How much crime TV does one have to watch to ensure no one finds the body? (just kidding, or am I?)
The above questions are valid, HOWEVER they’re the wrong questions.
They’re not making things any clearer because they’re driven by fear, helplessness, anger and resentment.
As long as we are paralyzed, unsure of which direction to go, we CAN NOT and WILL NOT invest, in either course.
Often, at the very start of coaching people in relationships, I ask them to commit to something incredibly scary. To suspend all their doubts and disbelief and decide wholeheartedly, TO STAY.
It’s a TEMPORARY ask.
We set a specific timeline, usually 90 days, for them to absolutely commit to staying in their partnership.
Why do I do this?
1. The merry go round of indecision is exhausting. It can zap us of all our energy. We’re going to need A LOT of energy to focus on the work to repair and rejuvenate their relationship.
2. As long as you are standing at the traffic light, vacillating between green and red, stay and go, you will undermine ALL of the work that needs doing. I want my couples to experience results. Often that result, is, a marriage or partnership SAVED! Sometimes that result, is finally knowing beyond any doubt, it cannot be saved. Staying in limbo is torture. Not just for the individuals in the relationship, but everyone within a 10 mile radius. That traffic, gets WAY backed up! (and yes, that traffic… that city… it’s YOU, your partner, your family, friends and loved ones, my dear)
3. If our heads are swirling with the tornado of questions you have been asking yourself for months, even years… you won’t be able to hear the powerful life changing questions I have to offer. AND you need to hear them, dearest one.
WE HAVE TO GO ALL IN.
TOP DOWN, PEDAL TO THE METAL.
Today, I want to offer up FOUR of these epic questions to you!
My lovely, I cordially invite you to get into the drivers seat, take a deep breath and take your eyes off the traffic lights and put them on the road ahead of you, where they belong.
Ready? Let’s go!
- So why, is being in this relationship AND making it work, important to YOU?
- If we were having this conversation 1 year from today, and you were looking back over that year, what has to have happened in your life for you to feel really happy with your progress.
- What are THREE actions, YOU can do THIS WEEK, that would bring you one baby step closer to results you want to see in one year’s time?
- What’s stopping you from doing them? Resentment? Expectation? What conditions or doubts, spring to mind that are blocking YOU, from taking action?
Take these away with you, grab a pen and paper and dig deep.
Then, comment below or privately email me your answers! My door is wide open and I always love to hear back from my gorgeous tribe.
Sending you all the love, xx Jessica Elizabeth
#relationshipcoaching #marriagesaver #partnership #relationshipgoals #askyourself #keeplove