I wanted to take a moment to send you some holiday love and to wish you an incredible New Year, from my family to yours!
2016 is in its final sunset...and Tis’ The Season’ is in the air.
Tis’ the season, for kissing under mistletoe. Cuddles on boxing day in your best Christmas jumper. Holding tight to your loved one as the ball drops… OR NOT!
For some of us, more like Tis’ the season’ of your single life being scrutinized by relatives far and wide + every other TV advert reminding you of that singleness. YIKES!
A time of year where season greetings are filled with...
“Meet anybody special yet, dear”
“When are you going to meet a nice boy?”
And worse… “You're not getting any younger”
And just when you think it’s over; the tree comes down, the garland packed away, and the ball drops without that meaningful NYE kiss...
BAM! The world pukes heart shaped everything all over you come Valentine's Day.
And even though WE BOTH KNOW that Valentine's Day is the ultimate example of a ‘retail holiday’… YOU STILL FEEL IT. That loneliness, that desire to find someone amazing to share your life with, but how? Where? When? Who? WTF?
PLUS, YOU’RE A ROCK STAR! Breaking glass ceilings wherever you go; career + social life + travel + family… all boxes so fiercely ticked! But your love life?? Yikes! Whassup with that???
Feel like I am telling your story? I AM.
AND it was my story too, lady.
If you had told me 10 years ago, that I would soon be meeting the love of my life and then get married, OH how I would’ve laughed. And then, gone off somewhere privately, and cried.
I was so far away from that. So silently hopeless about finding love. How would my patterns changing enough to meet and keep, real love? I had made some progress. I had stopped jumping into relationships on date 2, like in my early 20’s, I had stopped dating the same guy with a different name and a different face. However, now I was in this new weird phase of experimentally dating different types of people, which kinda’ morphed into somehow attracting the craziest nutters out there.
Online dating was kicking my butt. I was frazzled, my confidence was plummeting, my faith in humanity, shaken.
I was ready to give up. To “Just focus on my career” till… I’m not sure what? The universe randomly decided I was a good enough girl to hand me love?!?!?
I knew THAT method, the whole “the moment you stop looking, IT will happen” was not what had garnered me success in my career, my lifestyle, and fulfilling so many of my other dreams. So, why would it work in love?
I also knew the common denominator was ME. That the blame couldn’t be placed squarely at the feet of the men who were ‘finding me’ cause’ I WAS CHOOSING THEM. Ouch.
I felt very much adrift in my search for love and change. The messaging out there was beyond confusing for a woman like me. And even within my community of strong feminista’s, I was struggling to decipher those messages too. Why yes, I do NOT need a partner to do this, this and this, um... but what if I want one?
Admittedly, we were a whole lotta' blind leading the blind, doing the best we could.
I was convinced that being a strong kick ass woman, breaking glass ceilings AND wanting to find a loving partner to share my life with, were mutually exclusive. I was filled with shame around wanting love AND filled with shame that I could not translate my usual success in career, family, social life to my love life.
Add, my biggest mistake, I was muddling through it on my own, unwilling to ask for help in this area, allowing heartbreak to be my only teacher.
So yeah, progress was minimal and slow, my love life was all sorts of CHOO CHOO train wreck!
FINALLY, I hit bottom. Rocky, hopeless, am I broken(?!?!) bottom.
Then, I asked for help; put a lot of hard work in on myself, challenged my historical ideas about giving and receiving love and about myself, as a woman. I got crystal clear on what I wanted, and what I needed in a relationship and partner. Upped my self worth. Combatted shame with forgiveness… truth was I never had very good relationship role models growing up, NO ONE teaches this necessary skill set in school, so no wonder I was a bit of a mess.
I opened my mind, heart AND mouth, no longer afraid to admit I wanted love and partnership. AND SO MUCH MORE…
Tell it on the mountain!!! MY GUY SHOWED UP! Here came Mark and his teeny tiny dog, Parker. A person who in no way resembled anything I would have dated in my 20’s or even my early 30’s… however with my heart and eyes now wide open. I SAW HIM. AND I LOVED HIM! Besides, how could I say NO to itsy bitsy Parker’s puppy eyes?
THIS NOT THE PART OF THE EMAIL where I patronizingly say “IF it could happen for me, it could happen for you, dear!!”
Cause’ that statement, we’ve ALL heard too many times, isn’t helpful.
HOWEVER, if a train wreck like me, whose most consistent Achilles heel in life was LOVE, can wake up from the haze of mixed messaging out there, put the work in, and transform how I attract, give, respond to and receive love…. I CAN DO ANYTHING! EVEN HELP OTHER WOMEN, LIKE YOU, DO THE SAME!
My personal story is a big part of why I do what I do. But, here’s the other BIG reason.
When I first decided to be a Dating and Relationship coach, the feedback I got from friends was mixed. MEN in my life, told me there was no money in it. I should, with my professional background, be doing corporate coaching, and then promptly told me how I should run my business. SIGH.
No WOMEN, not even the fab female biz mentor I hired to help me start the business, who I hired to tell me what to do, ever told me what I SHOULD be doing. They asked questions and offered support. I didn’t walk away from my very financially rewarding career to, once again, do what I should, cause it would make me a lot of money. Hellz no, I didn’t!
And, the women, who I spoke to about my crazy idea, LOVED it.
However, they loved it… in this kinda’ weird way.
Which led to my next biggest turning point; I went to a small female entrepreneur masterclass. I was in a room filled with glorious, confident, successful, powerful women running their worlds. It was euphoric for a feminist like me. When it came round to me, to intro myself, I said ‘I am a dating and relationship coach with a focus on empowering women in the arena of love’… SILENCE. These lionesses turned into lambs, their eyes filled with terror. Some of them, who were just moments ago fiercely telling their biz stories so eloquently, had a hard time even articulating their struggles with love. So much of that power, that Wonder Woman badassery, simply evaporated when they stepped into the arena of love.
That is the moment I knew, MY GIRLS NEEDED ME.
That THIS, was worthy work.
MY worthy, necessary, work to be doing.
+Eureka! I was not alone. My story was not a one off. TOO MANY OF US ARE FILLED WITH SHAME, FEAR AND HOPELESSNESS AROUND LOVE and the help that is out there, for the most part, isn’t designed with us feminista’s in mind!
Lastly and MOST importantly; bearing witness to my clients completely revolutionizing how THEY attract, find, give and receive love through our work together?!?!?
EPIC. SOUL QUENCHING. HEART EXPLODING.
So yeah. I love doing what I do.
I shall power on, smashing my goals, fighting the good fight, for you, for love, in 2017!
On that note; The women in the Feminista Seeks Love FB group have made their voices heard with some ideas for new webinars for 2017. I will be in the laboratory over the holidays to produce the first of these new training's, which will be a HOW TO of online dating for the empowered independent woman. Stay tuned!
You should totes come join us on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/groups/939926752808019/
I will also be running my current FREE webinar ‘The 5 Shifts To Take Your Love Life From Horror Flick To Rom Com’ the first week of January, so if you’ve missed out before OR simply want to hop on for a refresher… claim your spot!
2nd of January at 6:30pm London / 1:30pm NYC / 10:30am LA
5th of January @ 7:30pm London / 2:30pm NYC / 11:30am LA
Let’s make 2017 THE year YOU turn this whole love thang, right side round!
Happy Holidays! xx