Last week, I started to answer a question, I have had to ask myself MANY times, and one I get from women everyday. HEARTBREAK AND BETRAYAL; How do I trust again?
I hear it over and over, that moving beyond this pain, and the inability to trust again, is blocking us from truly getting back out there and engaging with love in a healthy way.
How do I move on from heartbreak and betrayal? How to I trust again? Why would we even dare to love again? Should we even bother at all?
In last week’s article, I highlighted ONE tremendous shift you can take on board which will start the process of setting you free to love again. Catch on up, here.
AND I promised you a bit of follow up, some careful instruction on how to push your boat, just that much further out into the world of trusting and loving again.
Let me start, by re-stating a few hard truths, myself and the rest of the relationship experts know for sure about love;
Trusting again means, being open to the possibility of being hurt, like that, again.
Being open to the possibilities, both good and bad, is imperative for us to find and attract love.
There is only one road to recovering our ability to love and be loved, and that is right through the very thick of it.
So, what’s the very next step, after we understand why the struggle is realAF and start to take our rational and emotional brain off bouncer duty for our heart?
Right sizing our history;
I am going to walk you through a series of coaching questions I use with clients, that works like a real charm.
This is a 50/50 endeavor…
The client always must dig deep, be 100% honest and be brave to get to the answers.
I have not a single doubt, you can do that, dearest one.
(Feel free to grab a pen and paper)
Q - Was it, as bad as emotional brain has convinced you?
I already explained last week, how the rational and emotional brain responded to the heartbreak. It was quite a stage production, and the lingering effect when these two sides of the brain get together? A long term legacy of mindset where, fact and fiction get real blurry.
I know, it felt like you were dying. Cause, I’ve been in those same death throes, lady.
Follow me down the path for a moment…
What good came out of it?
Did you wind up making some big changes, like moving to a new town that you now love?
Did you an amazing bucket list trip? (Did you get all Eat, Pray Love on its ass?)
Did you and a family member or best friend get closer (or re-connect) because they stepped in and supported you?
Did you lose some friends over it, who really weren’t adding value to your life anyways?
Gotten to that point of reflection yet, where you can see all the signs, and how and why you ignored those signs? (Now that right there is a smack in the face painful moment, I know well)
What other negative aspects about that person and about the relationship you had together, came to light only after the bomb of betrayal exploded?
Did this betrayal cause you to seek some life changing outside help for the first time? Therapy? Coaching? Counseling?
It’s very easy to nestle into the odd comfort of catastrophizing the fallout. Yet, for so many of us, our biggest stages of personal, spiritual and emotional growth have come, from getting back up off the ground.
Core values (especially the not so pretty ones, we have carried about since childhood) are often only challenged and changed via monumental life events, death… birth... sickness... and yes, heartbreak.
MOTIVATION; RISK vs. REWARD
So, tell me what will happen if you meet someone, love them freely are loved back by them freely and then, they DO cheat or abandon you?
You have the historical data, it’s happened before… did you actually die? Circle back to the answers you provided above.
I bet you thought your heart was irrevocably broken, and yet it just showed you, IT CAN LOVE AGAIN! That heart, she’s such a strong shimmering unicorn!
Now, tell me what will happen if you meet someone, love them freely, they love back freely AND they NEVER betray or abandon you?
And I mean... GRRL, tell me in detail!
Tell me what that relationship looks like, sounds like and feels like?
Make note of the impact that will have in every area of your life?
Where will you two go together?
What will you do?
What life goals will you achieve with their help and support?
What impact will it have on your family?
What the people you love will be saying to you about this love you have with that person?
How will it feel to be cared for and valued so highly by someone? To be secure in allowing yourself to be our authentic self and to care and value someone so highly?
FLESH IT OUT IN ALL IT’S GLORIOUS TECHNICOLOR!
Last question...
Why would you ever limit yourself, from loving and being love like that?
Risk versus reward, doll. RISK. VERSUS. REWARD!
And YOU are so worthy of the rewards!
#lovecoaching #heartbreak #betrayal #movingon #healing #relationshipcoaching #limitlesslove #riskvsreward #trust #trustagain#cheating #abandonment